BOYS BOYS BOYS!!!
June 06 2006
Wow these past few days have been really tough! All i wanted to do is CRY AND CRY! Last night the man i know that i will marry some day decided that he wants to take a break and see if there is someone else out there for him! We cried last nite together for hours! You see he has another girlfriend right now and her name is Tiara! That hearts more than anything in the world. Today is out 11 month anniversary. We both had bought eachother promise rings not long ago and we were gonna give them to eachother tonight! Well tonite we did meet together and got something to eat! We gave eachother the rings and let me tell yah eatching him leave is the hardest thing i will ever have to do! Right before he left he gave me a kiss. I was thinking if he can still kiss me then how does he have feelings for someone else. It really makes absolutely no sense to me right now! He says that he will always be there for me and he willl always come back to me! But.... I was thinking who will i come back to. He will never be there when i really need him to. I am gonna miss him so much! I do not think that i have ever cried about a boy this much. He still wants to go on vaction with me in July. That will be really strange. I still really love him and i promised that i wouldn't be the CRAZY EX. I also said that i will wait for hime to call from now on. I wont call him. I am not completely sure that that is the right thing to do right now. I just dont see how a person can say i love you and not want to be with them anymore. He is my first love and i will always love him. After he left i was like what am i gonna do now? I have blown off and lost all my friends because i devoted my life to him. Then when he was like go and make plans with your friends and he still doesn't understand that i dont have any. It really sucks. on my long long long drive home tonite i just cried all the way. I said i couldnt do this and i dont think that i will be able to. It is just really hadr for me to accept that right now he has his arm around another girl. I do wonder if he is thinking of me and that GOODBYE kiss that he gave me tonite. I have the worst stomach ache of my life! I just afraid of what is going to happen in the future. I REALLY REALLY REALLY just want him back right now!
I JUST DON'T UNDERSTAND WHY THIS ALWAYS HAPPENS TO ME? WHY DO I ALWAYS GET MY HEART BROKEN?????