Why Kelly Doesn't Visit Doctors.

August 17 2006

It's because that despite decades of school and selling their souls to The Infinite Evil, they really know nothing.

Case in point:: Yesterday's vaccine for meningitis.  Simple, really.  I could do this.  Jab, squirt, yank.  Bandaid.  *Applause*  Downright elementary.  And it's true, the procedure itself went without incident.  [Even if the nurse implied that since I was female, I was bound to get lost on the vast college campus.  Almost poked her in the beady eye with a tongue depressor for that.]

It was the waiting room that has me going.

[After 20 minutes of waiting in an office devoid of patients.]
"Are you Kelly Sullivan?"
[Internal monologue: Well, nobody else is here.  Watson, what would you deduce?]
"Um... We can't find your chart."  [Accusingly]  "You haven't been here in two years, you know."
[Internal monologue: With good reason.  And it was one year.]
"Er, so what should I do?"
"Well, we do have our archives...  They might be in there... Oh well.  We can just give it to you anyway.  Come on back."
[Internal monologue: Please, Tom Cruise, save me with your witchcraft before they can get close.]

So I received under-the-table medical attention.  In a doctor's office that can't keep its damned simple paperwork straight.  And these people are licensed to inject us with things?!  To treat and cure?!  To hold our lives in their oh-so incompetent hands?!  I had only been gone a year!  Last time, it was for paperwork certifying various other vaccinations, so I could attend Governor's School.  Yeah, they lost that, too.  Inbred, half-witted excuse of a medical malpractise... Makes me wonder whether I was supposed to have been back within the year.  They're probably doping me up with ebola.  Job security, and all.

And to top it all off, I ran almost literally into a small child with chicken pox, two years after my innoculation for said nastiness expired.  *Cues Psycho theme*  Aiiiiii!  Cute kid, but lethal.

So I've converted to Christian Science, because honestly, I'll have better luck praying for my cancer to go into remission than trusting it to their scurvy likes.

An Amusing Exchange Betwixt Siblings
"Kelly?  Are you here?"
"Yes.  My car's here.  That generally means --"
"Well I didn't see it!"
"...You had to walk right past it to get inside."
"I was watching the dog!"
"So you missed the 3,000-pound vehicle parked in front of the door?"

Good times, good times.

"The last time I navigated, we wound up in Kentucky."
"Well... Find printed instructions?"
"They were."


August 17 2006
Too funny. Love the internal monologues.

the brian king kenobi

August 18 2006
lol, good times.