An update every two months probably isn't worth the effort...

July 07 2006

Well, let's see.  Where to begin?  So much, yet so little.

The first thing on my mind is the crazy EB/Gamestop conspiracy to remove my assistant manager.  For awhile, there were a few clues as to what was goin' on, but as time went on, it became more obvious that he was to be fired.  Why, you ask?  Because he previously worked for Gamestop and left on bad terms, that's why.  Nevermind the fact that he has worked hard to become a better employee for the company, worked harder than I thought possible for him for that job, to be honest.

And nigh-immediately after the fact, a new guy is found before I could even think about interviewing with the district manager for the job.  And when I say a new guy, I mean a guy that has never worked at an EB or Gamestop ever before.  And they wanted this guy to be the new assistant manager.  Who is this guy?  The district manager's next-door neighbor.

...Need I say anymore about that situation?  Must I really have to type how all that makes me feel?  Okay, good.

So, yeah, I'll probably have to find a second job, so that I can move out and have a place of my own.  I haven't started looking yet, partly because I'm in Ohio on vacation with the family for a couple of days.  Good trip so far, but I haven't been able to sleep well at all the past couple of nights, partly because my family works on a different time schedule than I do; I primarily like to be awake for the night, whereas my family likes to be awake for the morning and afternoon.  Darn the family for not following the gamer's schedule.

Lessee...what else...?

Ah, yes, I saw The Notebook the other day.  I must say, for falling under the category of "chick flick", it's really a good one.

Watching that movie really made me question my relationship with Marissa.  Like, the fire present in the characters' relationship in the movie was very similar to ours at one point in time.  But now, the romanticism has faded, and I can't help but want to blame myself for that.

A bit about that last point...  It gets to a point where you almost have to choose between being with friends and being with the girlfriend/fiancee/loved one.  At least, it sure feels that way.  Here lately, I've been wanting to spend a lot of time with my friends, especially Cameron here lately, playin' video games and watchin' anime, y'know, just hangin' out because we can.  And, because of it, Marissa and I have seemed to kinda become a little apart.  I still love her, don't get me wrong, it's just that I now realize that there's a balancing factor to be found.

And plus, had it not been for Marissa entering my life ever, I probably would've already moved out of the house and into Seattle with my long-time friends.  It's somethin' they're talkin' about doin' now, it's somethin' that I'd like to do, but it's somethin' I can't do because of Marissa and the bonds we have to each other.

So, yeah, life's been pretty messed up for me here lately.  I've been thinking so much about philisophical crap here lately.  I've come to some understandings that I can't really talk about to others.

Well, there is some stuff, like realizing, upon hearing my family members talking about other family members, just how much I am a little bit of nearly all my family.  I have some traits of one member, some of another, a dash here and there...  It's rather an odd feeling, feeling like I'm so many people before me rolled into one.

What else is there?  Hmm...  Well, there is that feeling of why-the-hell-do-I-even-exist within me for so many reasons, ranging from my battles with cancer as an infant to my feelings of uselessness.  As lame as this sounds, I've really just come to the conclusion that I live for Marissa; if it weren't for Marissa, I really wouldn't have much to live for.

I've also come to the conclusion that I was really meant to live in another past time period.  As much as I like video games, I'd give it all up to be in the times of the past, before the dawning of guns, in the times of the samurai.  I think that is the life I was meant to live, but here I am, in a completely different time.  A time with people thinking nothing about the world around them at all, a time where power is placed within little toys called nukes and not the strength of the people, a time that any man can kill another man in a war regardless of skill, a time that war is becoming more and more of an automatic engagement and is fought with little to no real purpose or cause...  A time of apathy and gIuttony, that is the time I live in.  I won't deny the fact that I have fallen into the mindset of those ideas to a certain extent.

...I just want a simple life: no "job" to worry about, other than protecting the people of my country, like a samurai; well, at least the way they were portrayed in The Last Samurai (as odd as it may sound to you, I did nearly end up crying in the last scene of that movie the first time I saw it).  But I can't have that.  Instead, I must dedicate my time to a useless cause in the name of more money for the company I work for, leaving little time for the truly human part of existance.

...Sorry, random tangent, but something I saw on the news earlier today about a Tennessee church making that custom-made Statue of Liberty.  Yeah.  I must say, I can't run with that.  I hope not to upset those that think it's cool, but remember who we are.  We are the United States, we are a land of religious freedom, and having a symbol like that is totally and completely hypocritical of that religious freedom.  Now, don't get wrong, I didn't mind the whole Ten Commandments-being-posted issue before, since, honestly, they're not bad rules to live by for the most part; it would be even better if they had other religion-related items/documents of interest posted as well, but it's still okay with me regardless.  But this Statue of Liberty thing...  I don't like it one bit.  If it were up to me, I'd call it treason and go with that, but I don't make such decisions.  Besides, all the great nations of past eventually had serious issues when they become "unireligious", like the Roman Empire and all the nations of that time.  So, let's not have history repeat itself, okay?

And the whole North Korea thing?  Yeah, the leader of North Korea's probably just a little on the crazy side.  Honestly, if we're so worried, how about we forget about the Iraq "war" and just go beat the crap outta them?

...Another random tangent, but if it weren't for the way war is fought and what it is we fight for, I'd probably be with the military to be honest.  We feel it necessary to police the world for whatever reason and end up on these ghetto skirmishes with random countries.  Let's be honest.  This whole thing with Iraq.  That ain't war, by any means.  Well, not a "real" war; it's the US saying "Hey we beat Iraq without going into full-scale war, yay.".  It's a bit of a silly game more than a war, especially when we're throwing shit-fits over 2 people dying in some silly thing; that's nothing for war. 2 casualties is less than pocket change in war; let's not forget the wars of past that have yielded several thousand troops dead over a relatively short period of time.  I really don't think this country has what it takes to be in a state of complete and total war.  If North Korea did shoot a missile into US territory, there's no telling how that would end up.  People would just have a shit-fit and run around like a chicken with its head cut off.

I guess that's enough to talk about for now to cover the bridge between the last entry and this one.

Well, peoples, if you're ever up for doin' something, let me know by phone preferably.  Take it easy, everyone.

Anna Miller

July 07 2006
I read all that and agree with a lot of what you said. I'm really sorry about the whole thing with EB. . . it sucks that promotions and whatnot are more based on who you know rather than what you can do/how long you've been with a company.