March 21 2006

I really don't know why I'm typing in here.  It's midnight, Marissa's asleep, and I don't feel like playin' WoW.

...I really don't know what to do with my life.  So many possibilities, yet none...so many different ways to live that are offered here in America, none of which will put me down in the annals of history...  I think my playing of RPG's has really made me...epic, in a sense.  I want music in the background that matches my mood exactly, no matter what it is I do; I want to fight for a cause I believe in; I want to triumph over the impossible...

...And, yet, I want to veg out and do nothing...  It's really an internal struggle I face.  I want to save the world, yet at the same time, I want to just sit around and live out my life.  I want to accomplish everything I could ever dream of, yet I want to get nothing done.

I want to live actively, yet I desire to live passively...

"I don't know what's worth fighting for, or why I have to scream
I don't know why I instigate and say what I don't mean
I don't know how I got this way, I'll never be alright
So I'm breaking the habit,
I'm breaking the habit tonight"

---"Breaking the Habit", Linkin Park, Meteora

...Can I find the way of breaking the habit, the habit of indesiciveness?  Two different lives to live...unfortunately, they cannot coexist within...

...Okay, I guess I'll go home now.