wow... what a weekend.  it has been a struggle for me.  a struggle to see beyond my problem.  a struggle to walk through my problem.  why is so hard for me to break through?  why is it so hard to let go?  i feel trapped with no way out.  it's coming to a point where i can't breathe nor move.  i'm stuck.  i ask myself, why can't i just give it all?  i wrestle with my mind trying to find a way out, but it's no use.  the enemy is laughing.  i fight and i fight with my sword point directly at the enemy and holding my sheild to my body ready to on guard.  i strike but i hit nothing, he strikes wounds me.  i fall to my knees and i cry out for surrender.  i cry out to Jesus...  "Jesus help me for I am weak"   my wound is causing me to ache.  ache in pain.  pain that i don't want to feel.  pain that i am covering up.  i cry myself to sleep to numb my pain.  i keep myself busy from the time i wake up (6:45am) til the time i fall asleep (1:30am).  i can't let go.  i'm afraid and i'm losing hope.  afraid because the enemy strikes at me even harder.  losing hope because everything is repetitive.  what more?  how much more?  i'm going to break.  i'm desperate.  Lord please help me.