yesterday when i was just coming back from someone's home, i feel so frustrated. at that moment, i remember one testimony from a brother who was also experiencing helplessness, he knelt down before God and said to HIM, Lord, goodbye. with so many years' relationship with Jesus, he could not cut down the relationship with Jesus so easily, so he burst into tears, crying again, Lord, goodbye.  at that moment, he saw Jesus's hand with nail stretching to him. he stopped. he knew that he could not leave God.

     i don't know i am in the same situation or not, but i know that i don't have the courage to say goodbye to Jesus, cause i know HE is my sheperd all my lifetime. without Jesus, i am not where i am now. but i do hesistate in some cases now. but Lord said to me: God's Timing is Perfect. Never be dissappointed.

    i know God has ability to do this. but i have little faith, and i think that i am at the edge of the cliff. i am writing here, hoping i will remember this kind of feeling , a kind of frustration at this time, and remember how God will lead me out.

   ok, i am leaving for hospital. tonight will be the first night i am there. may God be with me during the time i am there.