------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Beep!

Hi, this is Robin. Im busy kicking butt downtown or Im playing video
games in the Tower. If youre a friend, welcome! If not, the Titans will
take you down. Leave your name and number after the beep.

Beep!

Hi yall, Cyborg here! Cant answer the phone since Rob and I are in the
middle of Mortal Scream IV and Im gonna whip him at this video game!!
Leave a message in my phone jack arm and Ill call later. Booyeah, 5,000
bonus points!

Beep!

This is Raven. I do not want to be disturbed. Leave me in my solitary silence and call later.

(Trigon takes over. Ravens voice gets deep) Now worship me, you ignorant human fools!!! Raaaaaaaaaaaaaaaar!!

Beep!

Hi, this is Speedy, the legendary archer and friend of the Titans. If
you want to reach me or Tuna Breath, were away right now. Call back
later, thanks.

Beep!

Hi, this is Aqualad. Speedy, if you call me Tuna Breath one more time, Ill sic my sharks on you.

Beep!

Hello, Robin. Yes, its me again. Im still out there, waiting for you to
take action with your team. Most likely youll try to get my mask off
but end up with a black eye yourself. Do not fool around with me, Boy
of Wonder. I have my own plans.

Beep!

Ok, Slade, you asked for it!! Titans! Get the T-Car! Get the R-Bike!
Get the Batmobile!! Were going to bring Slade down once and for all-

(Cyborgs voice in the background) Rob, we dont HAVE a Batmobile. . .

(Robins voice) I snuck one out of Gotham, its ok. Anyway Slade, youd
better say your prayers because Im going to kick your ass into next
Tuesday, and then-

CLANK!!!

WHUMP!!

Beeep!!

This is the lean mean green fighting machine known as Beast Boy! Slade,
you are SO busted, big time. I hate you for driving us nuts. I hate you
for making Terra my enemy. And I HATE it when you make Robin all
hysterical. Every time you call, he starts babbling like a moron about
defeating you. So Ive hit him over the head with a frying pan.

And once he comes around, were all gonna mash you into the wall.

Beep!

Hello, this is Koriandr, princess of Tamaran, but my friends on earth
call me Starfire. Robin, is this machine on? Am I doing the right
thing? What does this little button d-

KFT!!!

KFT!!!

KEFT!!!!

Forgive me. That was the annoying sound of static in the background. I
am here right now, but shall be unavailable once I turn the machine
off. When I do, you may speak into the recording device known as the
answering machine. It is not to be confused with the washing machine,
which I found out requires soap. Please do not pour soap into this
machine or add your clothes.

Beeep!

Robin, this is Batman. Why is my Batmobile missing and why am I picking up its signal in Jump City?

Beep!

Robin, this is Speedy. You are bussssssted!!!

Beep!

Hello, this is Jinx: specialized witch perfected in spells, curses, and
troubles galore. Leave your name and address and Ill be happy to hex
you once I get back. Hee hee hee. . . oh, and if youre that blue coated
witch known as Raven, I got once word for you: (croaks) Nevermore!!

Beep!

Cyborg? Beast Boy? Can you hear me? It is I, Starfire. I have not been
able to locate Robin at this time nor have I found any clues that lead
to Slade. He is not in the Tower potatoing the couch either. Perhaps
Robin has gone to the dark black scary building with flashing lights
that you call arcade of the videos or he has gone to throw heavy balls
against pins. Is this some form of hunting?

Beep!

No Star, its called Bowling. And I found Robin. He was in Gotham City,
but now hes back. Whats that large swirling vortex doing on top of the
Tower right now? Is it from your home planet?

Beep!

Robin, its Batman. Again. Thank you for returning the Batmobile. The next time, just ask me for crying out loud.

I hope youre proving to be a mature and responsible leader for the
Titans. Make sure youre brushing your teeth twice a day and getting at
least nine hours of sleep every night. Do you have enough clean
underwear? If not, Ill have Alfred send over some extra pair-

Beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep!!!

(Beast Boys voice) Woah, Robin! I had no idea. . . (snickers) underwear. . . (laughs) Ha ha ha ha ha!!

(Robins voice) SHADDDUP!!!

Beep!

Hello, this is Brother Blood with the Hierarchy of International
Vengeance and Extermination. We are known as the HIVE but dont call us
for honey orders. I am currently planning another diabolical plan to
stop those pesky juvenile delinquents known as the Titans. Shall you
wish to assist me, leave a message and I will be thrilled to have
another minion in the crusade against the Titans. Bwhahahaha!!!

Beep!

This is Cyborg. And Brother Blood, NO WAY are we juvenile delinquents.
In fact, make sure you spank that little brat known as Gizmo a couple
dozen times until his butt is all red. That booger brain practically
destroyed my precious baby!!

Beep!!!

Hey Robin, its me, Yusuke Urameshi. You know the, butt kicking Spirit
Detective from Yu Yu Hakusho. I know you guys arent an Anime show but
you look pretty impressive to me. I wanna switch skills with you: teach
me some Kung Fu and Ill give you a taste of street fighting, all right?

Oh man, there goes another demon. Sorry.

SPIRIT GUN!!

(Explosion is heard in the background)

Beep!!

Robin, its Raven. Why is there a small black clad creature calling
himself a demon on the roof, why is he trying to skewer Beast Boy with
a sword, and HOW did he make a dragon come out of his arm like that?

Beeep!!

So Titans, how do you like my little portal that opened up into the
world of Japanese Animation? Have fun playing with the Pokemon!!
Bwhwhahahahah!! I, Jinx the witch have done it again.

(Gizmos voice) Not without me, you didnt, you pink haired twit!

(Jinx) Who you callin a twit?

Beeep!!

BB, get your butt over here into the Tower and get these little pocket
monsters off the walls! I cant stand it anymore!! No, PUT THAT DOWN!!
Arrrrgh, there goes Pikachu chewing on the wires again. Oomph! Ow!

Beep!

Hello, you have reached the Justice League of America. If you know your
partys extension, you may press it at any time. For Superman, press 1.
For Wonder Woman, press 2. For Flash, press 3. For Green Lantern, press
4. For Batman, press-

Beep!

Hello, this is the Teen Titans!! Its an emergency!! WERE OVERUN WITH POKEMON!! HEEEEEELP!

(Background noises are heard)

Pika-pika-CHU!!

Char-char-charmander!!

Beep!

Speedy, its Green Arrow. Tell the Titans not to worry about all the
Pokemon because Superman is coming over there ASAP to fix the problem.
He recommends feeding them all odanga and ramen soup and choco-kotune,
whatever that stuff is. Go look in the encyclopedia.

Also, I got a complaint from Bumblebee. She says you keep trying to
grab her butt. Dont make me send Wonder Woman out to hurt you.

Beep!

Hey, Rob? Its ok, we got someone taking down all those nasty little
monsters with weird powers. Whos the guy with the red S on his chest in
the Tower?

(Beast Boy voice) AAAAGGGH! Its Slades newest apprentice!! Slade, you
are SO dead! Im going to cram your face into the wall, Hardware Head!!

Beep!

Beast Boy, I have nothing to do with the Justice Leagues intervention,
though it is a pity that the Teen Titans are incapable of handling some
pint sized pocket monsters.

As for your threats, they most certainly are amusing. I have yet to see
you even bite my ankles, small green changeling. Heh heh heh

Click

(Beast Boys voice) Man, I hate that guy.

Disclaimers: I dont own Teen Titans, Harry Potter, or Monty Python. (Thank you, YingYang27!)

The bag of chocolate carmel chunk popcorn and the chibi Kurama keychain are MINE!

The mess that Beast Boy left in the kitchen is not my fault.

A-A-A

Beep!

Slade? This is your ex-wife, Adeline. I WANT MY MING VASE BACK! NOW!

Beep!

Titans, this is Superman. Your home is now 99 percent safe of Pokemon
trouble and most of the little pocket monsters have been sent back
through the portal to their own world. The Spirit Detective said he was
more than glad to take them back. All in days work, boys.

The reason I said 99 percent was because Beast Boy is keeping one as a
pet. Hope you all dont mind, he seemed attached to the little creature.
Up up, and away!

Beeeeep!

BB, NO WAY are we havin a Pokemon for a pet! Weve already got Silkie,
who pucks on the couch and ate the remote, so give me one good reason
why we should adopt a Pokemon or Im gonna serve it with eggs for
breakfast!

Click!

Beep!

Come on, Cy, Silkie needs a friend and Pikachu is just perfect. Hes
small and cute and really really awesome. Besides, well save money on
the electric bill.

Oh, and Robin? We just got a weird package in the mail: its a large
green box covered in question marks. Is this another wicked cool
practical joke or should I be scared?

Beeeeeeep!

Beast Boy, be scared. Dont touch the box, dont even move. Im coming back to the Tower right now.

Beeeeeep!

This is the Titans Tower, Starfire is speaking. We have gone out to
stop another creative and yet very bad criminal, this one apparently
fond of guessing and games since he sent us the riddle: How can you
divide 15 apples among 16 people?

Robin has been very intense and could not find the solution until Beast
Boy said, Make applesauce! Therefore, we are all going to the
Metropolis Applesauce Factory to find the villain. We shall be there
shortly, so please leave your message and no more riddles. Thank

Robin? Its Speedy. Can I hide out in the Tower for a few days? Wonder
Woman wants to kill me and by the look on her face and the way she
whips that lasso . . . she just might succeed.

Beep!

Speedy, its Aqualad. If you werent such a pervert, then you wouldnt be on the endangered species list.

Beep!

Robin, its me, Beast Boy. We just got some call from a woman named Mrs.
Adeline Wilson. She said if we get a ming vase back for her, shell help
us kick Slades butt.

(Pause)

What are we supposed to do, break all of his teacups!

Beep!

Robin, it is I, Starfire. Could you please explain to me the function of a rubber duck?

Beep!

Speedy, its Robin. Weve just come back from the Metropolis Applesauce
Factory, sorry it took so long. You missed a show with the Riddler. He
wanted to paint the town in apple mush up but he was-

(Cyborg interrupts) He was no match for the Teen Titans!

(Back to Robin) If you want to crash for a while, its ok but itll come
at a price. You have to help us finish up eating all the applesauce.
The workers there sent us back with a ton of that stuff in barrels so
well be eating it until it comes out of our ears and even tofu will
look good after all that applesauce.

Beep! Beep!

Click!

Hi, this is Titans Tower. Happy post Thanksgiving everyone, and I hope
you are all done eating dead birds for the time being-AHEM! You can
have some applesauce instead.

Were out right now, so please leave your name and number after the beep.

And for those of you with the holiday shopping list, Id really really REALLY like a moped for Christmas. . . .

(Robins voice) Beast Boy, knock it off!

(Scuffling is heard)

(Beast Boys voice) Ouch! Hey Rob, cut it out! Let me go! (Yells into
the answering machine) The moped, dont forget-and its got to be red! A
red moped, ok?

Beep!

This is the Teen Titans. Were away for now. Leave your name and number after the burp:

Buuuuuurp.

(Pause)

Wait, hang on a second. Let me try that again.

(Soda fizzing and gulping is heard in the background)

Buuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuup!

Hmmm . . . . still not enough! Better finish the six pack

(More gulping)

BUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUURP!

Ah, much better!

(Ravens voice) You are SO disgusting. . . .

Beep!

Titans, someone has broken into my vault and broken the teacups. All my good teacups.

Congratulations, Robin. Ive thought of yet another way to torment you. You will rue the day you defied me.

Beep!

Robin, this is Starfire. May I ask how it is possible for Slade to
drink any liquids or beverages if he is wearing his mask? I do not
assume that he uses a straw. ...

Beep!

Hey little sister, its me, Blackfire. Didnt think youd be so bored to
death acting like a goody two shoes, fighting for justice, helping
little old ladies cross the street, and eating applesauce. (Yawns)

Anyhow, I dont want to ruffle your feathers dear Starfire, but I need
to chill for a while. The Geroki Twin Moons Defense Troops are onto me
and you wouldnt turn your own sister down, would do?

Id LOVE to see the rest of the Titans, of course . . . especially Robin
. . . mmmmmm. . love that mask of his. . . .Just let me hang out for a
little whi-

ZAP! ZAP! KFT!

Beep!

You have reached the answering machine of the Amazing Mumbo! Sorry Im
not here to entertain you, but I have yet another act for the night!
Leave your wand at the door and Ill get back to you as soon as I can.
Thank you, thank you; youve been a lovely audience!

Click! Click!

Yes, this is Jinx, the enchanting sorceress. Mumbo, can you write me a
letter of recommendation to Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry?
Im sick of hanging around this annoying nose picking toddler and a
brainless hairy ox.

(Gizmos voice) Who you callin a toddler?

(Mammoths voice) Ox? Duh, I dont see an ox!

Beep!

Titans, this is Joey. I saw you superheroes kick butt at the dance a
while ago. You guys are so cool! Anyhow, I found a pink wig at the Soho
Warehouse after that party a while ago. Is it yours?

Beep!

Beast Boy, you let that ugly little monster into my room. NO ONE goes
into my room. NO ONE chew through my robes. NO ONE SLEEPS IN MY BED BUT
ME!

You have until tonight to get rid of that Pokemon. . . otherwise, I will!

Beep!

Oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooh, Robbie-poo! Its me, your darling cuddly sweetheart Kitten! Meow!

That was soooooooooooooooo sweet of you to send me that adorable yellow hamster. Little Pika-poo wants to say hi:

(Pikachu talks) Pika. .. pika. .. pika-chu!

I know you really cared about me. I know you really loved me! Once Im
out of prison, Im going to be your girl forever and ever and EVER-

ZAP! ZAP! KFT!

Beeep!

(Sigh) This is Robin, leader of the Teen Titans. Were on our third
answering machine since Starfire blew up the first two of them. Guys,
Im telling you that Mr. Wayne pays for the bills here and he wont be
happy about us setting fire to the appliances.

(Beast Boy interrupts) Can he get me a moped?

Beep!

Ello, duckies! Its me, the Master of Mayhem, the British Best Bungler of them all, Mad Mod! Mwhwahahhaahah!

Since you pipsqueaks have not yet grasped the cohn-cept of my origin, I
shall be prepared to taunt you night and day with Monty Python Madness.
Cheerio and all that, Titans! Dont forget to drink your tea and eat
your biscuits. (Evil cackling)

Beep!

Um, guys, there is now a penguin standing right on top of the T.V.

(BBs voice) If it lays an egg, itll fall down right behind the screen and mess up the wires.

(Ravens voice) Whats it doing here? Where did it come from?

(BBs voice) Um. . . . Gotham City?

(Cyborgs voice) Dummy! Penguins dont come from Gotham City, they come from the zoo!

(BB) Maybe its from next door.

(Cyborg and Raven) We dont HAVE a next door! Were on a rock in the bay, dimwit!

(BB) Oh yeah. . . .

(Raven) Well its not our property or our problem. Obviously, its from the South Pole.

(Cyborg) Ya want me to build a T-Snow Blower and have us hike all the way up-

KA-BOOM!

Raven Correction: There was a penguin on top of the T.V. It just exploded.

Beep!

Hey Titans, its me, Bumblebee. Tell Speedy Im going to douse him in
honey and feed him to the sharks unless he stops asking me what color
underwear I have. I know hes there. He cant keep hiding and eating
applesauce forever. Cyborg, do me a favor and punch his lights out the
next time you see him.

Click! Click!