I'm Tired! YEAH you heard me i'm tired....not only the kinda tired that has to do with lack of sleep but the tired when everything is going black and white and nothing has meaning anymore.

Laughter has lost its touch, b/c i know 10 minutes after that sip of happiness, it will be washed away with a gulp of unhappiness ontop of every horrible feeling ever known to man.

The smiles of the ones i love has lost its glimmer, b/c i know that small piece of light will be blown away with a wind of sad and hurt.

I'm slowly seeing everything white and black, cold and hot, nothing has color, wormth....

At the moment i'm longing for wormth, color, laughter,smiles..anything to wake me from this so called sleep!

You know something i have been wishing for the past few days....is someone i can lean on, someone i can run to and have them hold me, someone i can yell at (not in anger but hurt) and have them look me in the eye and tell me its going to be okay, someone i can tell my problems to instead of me always helping them,someone to help me push through.

yeah i understand this sounds so selfish its sad. But i've gone so many years with this in my head, i cant take it anymore i guess. And you guys are all so amaZing and i know some of you will be all like You can talk to me anytime...and i know that!

its just....i'm wishing for something more...maybe to get the picture across to someone who doesn't want to see or hear it....

Its like no matter how hard i try to stay strong for someone, i end up wishing for once i could be weak, so as to be held for once.