Me and Krista talked on the phone for a while a little bit ago. She decided she didn't have feelings for me anymore either, so, we decided to not even date. So, I guess it is completely over between us. When I talked to her on the phone, she seemed so satisfied with herself, like, she threw in the final blow. I don't think thats what she really felt like, but thats how it sounded.

Whatever...

I am very depressed right now. I'm not sure why, but I am. I don't have a whole lot to be happy about. Like I'm not happy that Krista and I broke up, but I am relieved that it is over and Kristas not hurting at all. I guess that I'm mostly depressed because of my friends. Now, when I say this, I know I am going to get about 15 comments saying, "I'm really your friend, I'm not just lying to make you feel wanted." But, I feel like I have no real friends. I feel like all the friends that I hang out with are just hanging out with me becuase they have no one else at the moment. I feel like they are pretending that they want to hang out with me just because they dont want to hurt my feelings or everyone else is buisy. For instance, I was at Tylers house the other night becuase my parents were out of town. Tyler stayed on the computer the whole fucking time. Then, Calvin was like what do you want to do, and I said, lets walk to the underground. And I know that Calvin didn't want to go with me up to the underground. I know that the only reason that he asked me what I wanted to do, was because he felt bad that Tyler ditched me for his virtual friends. Calvin had better things to do, and he would have rather done something else. And then, there is my friend Camron... I try to hang out with him all the time. But, everytime I call, its either, "Sorry man, college exam to study for..." or, "Sorry dude... my little brother has has somehting to do, and I have to give him a ride," or, he forgets. Every damn time. And I know he has a girlfriend and other friends... but I call him on almost every fucking Monday to see about Saturday, and every time, he says, "Maybe... but I might have other plans..." and everytime he has other plans. And he always says, "Sorry, maybe next time... I have a buisy schedual (how ever the hell you spell it)."

I just feel like I am unwanted and not appreciated. I feel like I have no true friends except for maybe David Redmon. And he has summer school and has to study for that and go to work and date Molly. So, I'm not mad at him for being buisy, but I wish more people were true friends like him. If you dont want to hang out with me, tell me you don't want to fucking hang out with me. If your not going to even talk to me, don't say I can sleep at your house when my parents are out of town... Jesus Christ, sorry for such a long rant.



:edit:
I didn't mean to make anyone mad because of this entry. This was aimed mostly at my "closest" friends. I am not saying that everyone is a douch bag. Just thought I would let you know this before anyone else gets offended.


Later.
Brett