New poem - The Terribly Absurd

Tonight I look back upon my written words
the beautiful, and the terribly absurd.
Poetry about death, about life and love
Songs of beauty, and of a God above.
Words that describe people that I loved
Corny romance for my would be beloved.
Of the intense love I once felt for some
All that's left is dead romance in some silly poem.
Few people close to me read what I write
and from these words some take much delight.
However, these words do me almost no good.
After writing one night, outside I stood
and wished upon a falling star.
I wished, I wished, upon that star
To just try and make things for me right.
It was obvious, however, I was alone that night.
I remember exactly what I said to the star
that falling angel from afar.
I said "A thousand words I could surely write
If given the power to survive the night.
A thousand words on just one girl
A thousand lives to be lived for her.
A thousand loves written on paper
A thousand strands connected by a stapler.
A thousand deaths to die for her
A thousand words on just one girl.
But from these words I cannot be satisfied
For they are nothing at all but attractive lies.
In my poems I find happiness and love!
In these words I know there is a God above!
These fancy words who make life more cheerful
In a fantasy land where all is happy and beautiful.
The problem is, this fantasy world is fake
I've never visited the world while awake.
I cannot dream forever, I cannot stay asleep
From this nightmare of real life, I duely weep
For I lack the security I have in the dreams
That when in I can battle loneliness, sew broken seams.
Where love makes me happy, Where smoke produces no cancer
Where drugs don't seem like the only possible answer
Of escaping from simply lying alone in my bed
and praying to God the next morning I'll be dead.
Every time I call upon you to make a wish
The opposite occurs, you've given me only anguish.
So I ask of you once more star, dear falling light
To grant one goddamn wish for me tonight.
I do not ask much, I simply want for happiness from love
Something I barely understand or know of.
So Please dear star, dear falling light
Grant me that one goddamn wish tonight
Let her be the one who brings me that love
the kind that I've asked and spoken so often of.
and let me be happy for a change
Does this idea really seem that strange?"
Then angrily I walked away from that star, that dear light
and returned to my room to retire for the night.
I couldn't sleep, so I decided to read
all my old poetry, and perhaps smoke some weed.
That night I looked back upon my written words
the beautiful, and the terribly absurd.