One
March 25 2006
Proverbing...
Why is that when I try something that I want to try and everyone around me gets pissed or hurt? Ehh.. I dont understand that my damn self. It's like they are all high and mighty when it comes to me, but after they get done yelling at me about how "bad" it is for you, they tell me about goo memories they have had with it. Hypocrites.. Thats what I think they are. Its not right for me to be able to take their shit all the damn time about that when later on they rub it in my face that they had a good time doing that. I never really had the urge so bad, until I found it in Fernando's car, which he claimed it was his Mexican friends. Pffft! Yeh right.. I kno he had done some of that stuff. He is around that shit all the time. How could he not? Unless he has incredible self control. Which I think not. I believe that he lies to me too. When we were first dating, he would smell straight up like alcohol and he would swear up and down that it he didnt drink. But ehhh... I kno him too well. Hes a fucking douche to get made at me for smoking. When I kno that he has dont it atleast once. Then Edu gets mad at me!! ><!! This makes me want to be a chronic smoker. I kno people and they kno people that kno people's people... You understand? If not then you dont need to kno.
Smoking...
Yesterday was my first time smoking. It was a good feeling. The burning of the throut wasnt nice but the feeling after was good. I coughed alot. I didnt kno "how" to do it. But my smoking partner knew EVERYTHING about it and gave me pointers he/she is a major smoker. Something that I want to become. I think I will make that my new goal.
Proverbing 2...
I told the both of them that I wouldnt do it again, because I saw how deeply hurt they were about me doing it. But Fernando like himself, the self I kno very very well, kept telling me that he didnt care what I did. I kno, in the deep recesses of my brain, that he means the total opposite. Sometimes there is no way of knowing with him. He is just as fucked up as I am, but since I'm young, "naive", and Solo hablo ingles he thinks I'm stupid. But ehh.. this is a mans world, where the woman is still expected to stay at home. Ohh, and especially when she is a fat girl like myself. I have no idea whats going through that boy's mind.. but I'm not and will not do that. I have played that game with him and I'm not doing that with him again. Fuck that. I rather keep on using him like he did me until I'm satisfied that he has worked off his debt to me.
Afterword...
I think I have said too shit for your and my brain can handle. I got to sleep and think of a stradigy to Eduardo to be nice again to me. But ehh... he wants to be this way.. I say "Let him"
because only he can change his mind and I'm not going to kiss his ass for that. If he wants things to continue like before, then he will work with me to make a thing called us work.
peace out - Lemonade
Why is that when I try something that I want to try and everyone around me gets pissed or hurt? Ehh.. I dont understand that my damn self. It's like they are all high and mighty when it comes to me, but after they get done yelling at me about how "bad" it is for you, they tell me about goo memories they have had with it. Hypocrites.. Thats what I think they are. Its not right for me to be able to take their shit all the damn time about that when later on they rub it in my face that they had a good time doing that. I never really had the urge so bad, until I found it in Fernando's car, which he claimed it was his Mexican friends. Pffft! Yeh right.. I kno he had done some of that stuff. He is around that shit all the time. How could he not? Unless he has incredible self control. Which I think not. I believe that he lies to me too. When we were first dating, he would smell straight up like alcohol and he would swear up and down that it he didnt drink. But ehhh... I kno him too well. Hes a fucking douche to get made at me for smoking. When I kno that he has dont it atleast once. Then Edu gets mad at me!! ><!! This makes me want to be a chronic smoker. I kno people and they kno people that kno people's people... You understand? If not then you dont need to kno.
Smoking...
Yesterday was my first time smoking. It was a good feeling. The burning of the throut wasnt nice but the feeling after was good. I coughed alot. I didnt kno "how" to do it. But my smoking partner knew EVERYTHING about it and gave me pointers he/she is a major smoker. Something that I want to become. I think I will make that my new goal.
Proverbing 2...
I told the both of them that I wouldnt do it again, because I saw how deeply hurt they were about me doing it. But Fernando like himself, the self I kno very very well, kept telling me that he didnt care what I did. I kno, in the deep recesses of my brain, that he means the total opposite. Sometimes there is no way of knowing with him. He is just as fucked up as I am, but since I'm young, "naive", and Solo hablo ingles he thinks I'm stupid. But ehh.. this is a mans world, where the woman is still expected to stay at home. Ohh, and especially when she is a fat girl like myself. I have no idea whats going through that boy's mind.. but I'm not and will not do that. I have played that game with him and I'm not doing that with him again. Fuck that. I rather keep on using him like he did me until I'm satisfied that he has worked off his debt to me.
Afterword...
I think I have said too shit for your and my brain can handle. I got to sleep and think of a stradigy to Eduardo to be nice again to me. But ehh... he wants to be this way.. I say "Let him"
because only he can change his mind and I'm not going to kiss his ass for that. If he wants things to continue like before, then he will work with me to make a thing called us work.
peace out - Lemonade
