It's 4:31am and I'm honestly a bit perturbed to be awake. I throw on a shirt, keep my shorts and grab my hat on the way out the door. It's a silent ride to the airport this morning which encourages my thought to drift, something I haven't allowed much lately. I'm on my way to see Aaron Shew and Tyler Haynes off. The long awaited time has come and they are currently in the air on their way to Thailand for NINE months. Their step of faith is inspiring.  

We turned off the airport exit from I24 and I immediately got that sick feeling in my stomach. It's that nervous, anxiousness one gets when they know something big is coming. It's because I've been there myself… about 9 months ago. As I lay in the back seat staring at the ceiling my thoughts started to turn.

I remember leaving everything with no idea of what to expect. I remember leaving my family standing in the darkened driveway; I didn't let them come to the airport because I thought I would be easier just saying goodbye at home. Then came the long drive to the airport with my friend Tracie while the sun rose. I remember praying "Ok God, here I am…" as I watched the sun rise trying to comfort myself and understand that He was completely in control.

I remember how my heart felt when those closest too me got up early to come see me off. I remember how it felt to pray and walk away from them. I remember turning for a last glance and some of them not being "so strong" any more.

That's where the "sick feeling" comes from every time I walk into that terminal. This morning it was dark and early not promoting much conversation which allowed me to think. I've held my thoughts on that season of life tightly captive since it ended, so today has been a new thing for me.

To put what God had for me in one word would be impossible, but the best I can come up with is "desert" The dictionary here in my lovely Microsoft Word defines it as: "a place or situation that is devoid of some desirable thing, or overwhelmed by an undesirable thing." That particular definition may be a bit strong for my situation, but it expresses the idea.

Every single one of us will hit times in life we would consider to be a desert. It's more than just a "dry spell", it's a freaking life-changing, "God where are you?" season where it's all we can do to keep our heads above water. The situation will often be painful and rarely desirable. And hear this… at this very moment we are all at one of three places in life: Headed into the desert, presently in the desert, or coming out of the desert. If you've never experienced the "desert" in life, it is coming.

But why?

That's the non-productive, but human thing to do. We question absolutely everything… so why?  

Check out Hosea 2:14 – 16. In my Bible this passage is labeled "the desert."

14 "Therefore I am now going to allure her;
       I will lead her into the desert
       and speak tenderly to her.

 15 There I will give her back her vineyards, and will make the Valley of Achor a door of hope. There she will sing as in the days of her youth, as in the day she came up out of Egypt.

 16 "In that day," declares the LORD,
       "you will call me 'my husband';
       you will no longer call me 'my master.

Now, a few points to help us understand this "desert" concept.

Notice how the word "allure" is used. Most of the time when we find ourselves in the undesirable places of life we think God has banished us here in some sort of punishment. But that isn't even close to what the word "allure" means. "Allure" means "take my hand… I'm going to lead you somewhere. I'm going WITH you!"

Verse 15 refers to the PURPOSE of the desert. There He is going to give something "back" to her and when it's over she will "sing as in the days of her youth"

Verse 16 is where we can get a peace-giving perspective though. It's in this "desert" that our Father "allures" us to where we learn to love him. Here we learn to call him "husband" (as we are the "bride" of Christ). It's where we learn the meaning of true relationship. In this time of undesirable situations is where we learn what it really means to love Him. It's where we grow close to our maker.

Honestly, in the back of my mind, I think I had idea of what Hawaii was going to hold. It's kind of that larger perspective on life we get from time to time where we can view things in a different light. I knew, though I wouldn't have admitted it because that would have scared me, that Hawaii for me was going to be a season of growth and change. I knew things in life would be different when I came back.

I wrote in my journal almost every day I was there. I wrote an entry entitled "I sure hope hindsight is prettier" because what was currently in front of me wasn't exactly a "walk in the park."

What I'm trying to get at is the fact that hindsight IS beautiful. God is intentional and that's where we stand when we find ourselves in the harder situations of life.

Romans 8:28

Jeremiah 29:11

Romans 8:38-39

1 Kings 8:57

Isaiah 40:11  

I walked back into life and nothing was the same. I am not the same. I have experience behind me, a relationship with me, and a peace about the future I didn't know before. Hindsight is beautiful.

May we embrace, in faith, the things that make us stronger.

January 9th, 2006 - airport

January 11th, 2006 - standing on lava