Before that day, I have never been in a similar situation. Standing there, I didn’t even remember a time when I actually rode one…except for those kiddy rides that were not scary at all. Believe me when I say that it was not as scary, as high, or as monstrous as the one that stood right before me, casting a big shadow over my face.

Despite my fear I had to go. I knew I did. The others were counting on me, so in my quiet mind I harbored all my anxious thoughts. I couldn’t back out, I couldn’t be a chicken.  

But it looks so scary, I tell myself. How am I going to ride that? It would be best to get out while I can. 

I told myself so many things that before I knew it I was next in line. I gulped real hard and walked up taking my seat and fastening the bar before me. My heart was pounding by then. I felt as if everyone could hear the beatings of my heart.  

Suddenly, the cart began to move, ever so slowly, almost like a snail. I remember wanting it to go fast, just for the sake of getting it over with. Alas, though, it didn’t change anything as it crept up and up, higher and higher into the sky.  My hold on the bars tightened and I shut my eyes praying to God to spare my life, praying that I wouldn’t die. I was sure that I would. Finally the cart slows down even more and with my eyes still closed I know it is coming.

Have you ever wondered who your "prince charming" charming would be? I guess not many do. I don't speak for all, though, becasue I know there are some who probably think about it too much...lol.

I was reading a book, "Courting Troubles" by Deann Gist (great author by the way) and it's basicly about this woman who is 30 years old, and has not married, and has not had anyone take interest in her. She then decides to take matters into her own hands by picking a guy and pinning him as her future husband. Well, I won't spoil the story but many can guess what happens. She later gets into a big trouble and does something that could ultimatly destroys her future as a possible wife. Some can guess, but again, I will not say what she did.

Anyway, that story got me thinking how there really is a PERFECT person that God has set out for us. We can imagine who our future husband is and fanticize him being a certain person, but ultimatly we don't know until we meet them and God shows us. We have no clue who our "prince charming" is, when we are going to meet them, and when we are going to fall in love. That is all a mystery.

In today's society with Fastaccess DSL, cell phones, jets, etc, we are accustumed to having everything at a rapid pace. I guess when reading this book it got me thinking a lot. Do I really want to wait years and years for that RIGHT person or do I want to "settle" and be miserable? I'd chose the first, as many would, but that is sometimes really hard to do.

What inspires me in this wait is the example that my Youth Leader set. He was 35 when he married, and had known his wife, Emily for around ten years. Things brought them apart, but they waited for their perfect mate and in God's perfect timeing, they married. Sure, waiting is hard--and I can say that I am not the most patient person-- but when brought in persepective it is better to wait for that person than be miserable. Better someday than now.

"For what is seen is temperary but what is unseen is eternal"

Well, I don't know exactly what to say...I love to write. That's quite obvious from my title. I suppose by now, you are wondering what I am so distressed about. It's more complicated than one might think, but I feel writing it out would be helpful.

Ever since I was around 9 I have written stories, though never finishing them, never even getting past the first chapter somtimes. This never bothered me too much,  becasue though I did love creating stories, I knew I didn't have the drive...at least not yet.

I didn't get the "drive" to write until I met a certain friend with a binder holding a 600 page hand written story. I was so inspired by her dedication, that I vowed to finish a story.

It is my pleasure to say that after two years I have been true to my vow and finished my first real story, "Faith Will Lead You On".

Ok, so now I will be getting to my main point. While writing my I started off real slow, writing here and there, and I was doing fairly well. Then, I decided to post this story of Fictionpress.com, a site I recently found. I imediatly was consumed by this site, reading other people's stories writing my own, and even getting on the computer almost every few hours just to check if I got a review. My mind was filled with thoughts of "did I get a review?" or "what should my next chapter be about?" or "I wonder what will happen next in that person's story?". It was the first thought in morning and last tough at night.

As you can tell, I was engulfed, and my grades slipped just a little. My parents approached me about this and I told them I would try to back off a little. This helped but I still constantly thought of it.

Ever since I made the vow to myself, I felt God tugging at my heart saying, "don't write this certain story" (I had started more than one story before I wrote "FWLYO"). I was distressed becasue I just COULDN"T stop. I would break my vow, my friend (the one who inspired me and has in turn looked up to me for spiritual advice in her own trials), would not understand why, and plus I didn't WANT to. The former may be my biggest downfall.

Then I started playing mind games with myself saying that God didn't want me to give up writing, he just wanted me to give it up to him. This was reasonable enough and I gave it to him, at least I thought I did. Deep down in my heart, though, I knew that it wasn't true. 

As of now, I decided to refrain from posting another story until it is finished. I found that part of the reason that I got so engulfed was becasue I had the drive that I needed to please the readers and update as soon as possible.

Even upon taking this step, I still struggle with the same question as the summer starts. With all the time on my hands, it is so easy to fall into temptation and become even more engulfed in my writing. My question..."What is God's will for my writing?". I want to write for God, but I don't exactly know how. When I write I don't think about God...I only think about the story. I know you all are not God to tell me what I should do, but I just wanted to ask your honest opinion.