'all that i can do is hold onto You and follow where You lead, where you're leading me. all that i can do is hold onto You and let You bring me through, it's all that i can do.

there are days i think i don't need You, there are days when i can't see the truth.
i need You to save me from the lies because every thought that's in my head and even when i draw my next breath, You knew it all before there was time.

when the waves begin to rise and all my hope fails in confidence i'll close my eyes, trusting You'll be there'

so...to say things have been rough would be an understatement.
i'm good at hiding it...maybe not such a good thing, eh?
really, it's nothing too horrible, i'm just extremly stressed and worried...
college is up there close to number one. then school...
but number one is what's getting me most...

my relationship with Him.
the ultimate, healer, father, most worthy, our unchangeable God.

talk about a broken heart.
you know those songs where the lyrics are something like "break my heart, oh God."?
yeah, i didn't even ask him to and he did. not that kind of "oh my boyfriend of *inseret random # here* years, months, days broke up with me." or the "i'll never find true love" broken heart...the kind of broken heart when he makes you realize what you need in your life. the kind that makes you realize he's been trying to get your attention for a long time now. the kind of broken heart when you understand.

that doubt i was talking about in my post a few days ago..it was Him.
i've doubted Him for awhile now...is He real? does He really love me? is He worth my time? why should i care?

are you kidding me, how selfish do i sound? how ridiculously self centered i am.
of course He's real.
of course He loves me...only He would after i've acted like this. only He would hold on to me after the way i've treated Him.
of course He's worth my time...anyone who will forgive such actions as mine is worth my time.

i should care because He does.

wow.
talk about an overwhelming realization of something so...unfathomable...

i can't really say what made me realize this. i can't really say what made me have so much doubt. and i can't really say what will happen from here.
but that's what so amazing about Him.
he knows all, what made me realize it, why i had doubt...and he knows everyday of my life and what will happen after this day.

'You see all my pain, You cry over it for hours till i'm new again'