It's kinda cool to have a blog that no one ever reads.

It's like I can vent without the worry of being judged.

It's kind of a relief, you know? 

Life gets hard sometimes.  And you just feel like you're so close... but every time you reach out and try to grab what you're chasing after,  it just slips through your fingers...

I guess I'm in one of those spots...

It's even harder when you don't know why you feel so empty.

It's like you've been working so hard to get all of these things, but somewhere along the way, you lose the one thing that is most precious to you.

So, who ever is listening,

I don't know where I went wrong.

Or how I ended up here.

I almost feel stupid for pouring out my feelings to a computer screen.

But, right now, this is the closest I can get to a best friend.

This city is full of people, but none of them are my best friend.

I guess that might be a huge chunk of why I feel empty right now.

I'm missing that intimacy with a person.

One person.

Any person.

It's just finding that person who is willing to listen without discrimination

and to love without reservation.

That's the hard part.

And I honestly don't think that anyone could replace my best friend in the world, who is currently halfway across the world from where I am right now.

And I miss her. 

I googled my name (don't say you haven't done it before, because everyone's done it at least once)... and the first thing that popped up was my phusebox.

I haven't used this thing in AGES and it took me a while to remember my username and password.

It's so weird being on this thing. It kinda makes me laugh.

It brings back so many memories, and I was disappointed to find that all of my entries from years and years ago were mysteriously deleted... although, it probably wasn't as mysterious as I would like to think.  I don't blame phusebox at all for deleting all of my information... after all, it's not like i actually missed this thing.  Outta sight, outta mind, right?

So I have no idea why I am even writing on this thing.

I guess it's for 'ol times sake.

And I guess because this is me unofficially adopting this site as yet another one of my venting tools.

Especially since no one knows about this site except a select few...

So, if you're reading this (and are NOT a creeper), stay tuned for more updates. :)

<3 you all.