It is so amazing how much can change in an instant. How many of our fears can come to the surface by something you feel like you can't control....because in reality you have no control. Today my head has felt like it has been spinning out of control. I try to focus and it's hard because breathing feels difficult and strained. How do I stay strong for the one person that needs me most in the world when I myself need to be held and reassured? My eyes fill with tears at the thought of what is ahead but I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that You are with me and are near....take my hand Father and lead me in the way that I should go. Give me the strength I need to give to her. Please dear Lord...be with her and give me the words You need me to say. Whatever the outcome, I believe You are with me.....always......

This post is for new beginnings in life and how amazing they can be. Last night was beyond words and I don't think God could have ever surprised me more by the gift He gave me. Only He knows what my future holds and I am perfectly okay with taking them one night at a time.....

 

Oh how I love this....

 

:-)

I am getting sick. NOOOOOOOOO

 

 

God is so good......all the time. :-) I have so many blessings that I don't deserve.

What to say.....

 

I will be nineteen on July 22nd....which is about thirteen days away. It still hasn't hit me yet because I don't feel like I'm only just eighteen. I feel older...much older than that.

 

And mostly importantly......I need prayer. Thank you.

Life right now is crazy and hectic. My boss just left for Las Vegas on a business trip that I sadly could not go on because I have to run the store. The store is now my responsibility from today until after Thursday. It makes me a bit nervous but I feel like I can handle it. I have to not only work overtime at the store but bring home work with me as well. I am thankful that she trusts me as much as she does.

 

But I can say with 100% certainty that I am happy. The people God has put in my life add so much joy. I truly can not imagine life without them. Life for me right now is so full of surprises. *laughs* Especially in the dating area....I can't help but smile.

 

I was called a "hott mama" today. haha.  I actually laughed.

I truly think people were meant to come into our lives for a purpose. A purpose greater than ourselves. And to somehow change us.....impact us in ways that will forever change how we view ourselves. And then as suddenly as they came.....they go and their importance isn't as great as it once was. And I realize that no matter how grateful I am to God that they came, I am even more grateful that I am standing alone....by myself....nothing attached but the sharing of memories between us.

 

There becomes in itself a difference between needing someone in your life and wanting someone in your life. And it is at this point that I find myself.

 

I am finally free. Free to be my own person not trapped into lost memories and feelings that should have been locked into my past a long time ago.

 

Ecclesiastes 3: 1-8 For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven:

A time to be born, and a time to die;
a time to plant, and a time to pluck up what is planted;

A time to kill, and a time to heal;
a time to break down, and a time to build up;

A time to weep, and a time to laugh;
a time to mourn, and a time to dance;

A time to throw away stones, and a time to gather stones together;
a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing;

A time to seek, and a time to lose;
a time to keep, and a time to throw away;

A time to tear, and a time to sew;
a time to keep silence, and a time to speak;

A time to love, and a time to hate;
a time for war, and a time for peace.

 

 

I don't think I can feel anymore peaceful than when my baby niece falls asleep with both of her little legs on either side of me and her head on my chest.

 

It is one of the most beautiful and precious moments in the world.

 

 

I want to represent so many things. I want to be so many things. And I've noticed that as I am growing older who I want to be and what I want has changed drastically...especially the closer I get to God. I desire to be in His will more than anything else.  And my prayer has been for God to mold me into the characteristics that I desire to be. And slowly I can see the changes He has helped me to make.

 

I want to be godly, wise, slow to speak, committed, responsible, willing to sacrifice what I have to for the betterment of something else, kind, slow to anger, thankful in all circumstances, honorable, trustworthy, respectful, submissive, gracious, humble, a helper, virtuous, prepares for the future, mature, supportive, encouraging, faithful, pure in both mind and heart, patient, and obedient.

 

*smiles*

I think I have a lot of work...

 

I'm happy.

There now, steady love, so few come and don't go
Will you won't you, be the one I always know
When I'm losing my control, the city spins around
You're the only one who knows, you slow it down

Sometimes I feel like my life is spinning and spinning around and around without a possibility of stopping.

How do I stop spinning?

I don't make sense

You know how your entire life you either hear or someone gives you the advice to follow your heart...

What if following your heart isn't as easy as all of that?

In one of the gospel parables, the rich man is mulling over his treasures, and plans to build even bigger barns to store all his crops. He relishes his security: My soul, you have plenty of good things laid by for many years to come. Jesus reflects: A man’s life is not made secure by what he owns. As we grow quiet in prayer, our hearts can be invaded in the same way by false securities. In the measure that my heart is in past treasures, I am fossilised and dead, for life is only in the present. So to each of these past treasures I am grateful yet I say goodbye, explaining that, grateful though I am that it came into my life, it must move out, or my heart will never learn to love the present.

What is it about my eyes?

I fear that they tell too much.

You know when you are experiencing something and at one single moment you smile because life holds so many unexpected things.......things that are beautiful and wonderful.

And for a second you just feel so overwhelmed by the gifts God gives and you finally sigh with relief because it feels like everything is as it should be.

I love little moments......

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZiUEbJbAGNo

Watch it. You will smile.

And I can't stop smiling. I look like a complete goofball. For the first time in a long time, I let myself be myself and I had such a good time. It doesn't make sense at all to me right now. God knows what He is doing and right now I am actually okay to just go along for the ride.

*smiles*

Hmmmm....

Life for me right now can be so odd and interesting at the same time. So much is going on that sometimes I can't even wrap my mind around it.

My grandmother is having knee replacement surgery on April 24th and is staying at Adams Place for therapy. She could be there for three or four months because she is almost 84 years old. I pray for her constantly and she is always on my mind. I have a feeling that when I am not at work I will be there this summer keeping her company. I can't stand the thought her of feeling all alone.

I've posted new and updated pictures of my nieces. I can't believe how much they are growing. I love them completely. They bring joy to my heart.

School is finally almost over. This week will be tough to get through but I have some nice distractions planned for this week. I am excited because hopefully I will have a 4.0 this semester. :)

I've been offered another job. *smiles* I am somewhat excited and somewhat wondering how I am going to manage because more hours have been added on at my work now. It will all work out.....I have faith. Daniel is determined to help me have a life this summer, so hopefully I won't ruin his plans too badly.

Isn't it interesting sometimes how things turn out? I catch myself smiling sometimes because when I look back at moments in my life that were growing experiences, I am so thankful for it all the same. It hurts but I'm stronger and more mature for them.

I will be 19 in about three months. Weird.

Kiss Me

1. I love to smile because if it is just the right person I feel like I am floating home on a cloud.

2. My favorite place in the entire world is in my backyard, wrapped up in a blanket, and staring at the stars.

3. My dad will always always always make sure he tells me "I love you" before I leave his sight or before we get off the phone.

4. Truthfully...I always wanted it to be you but was too scared to say it.

5. My life right now: confusing, stressful at times, emotional, times where I laugh so hard I cry, times where I act like a complete dork and not have a care in the world, and completely beautiful.

"There's something in your eyes
Makes me wanna lose my self,
Makes me wanna lose myself in your heart,
There's something in your voice
That makes my heart beat fast
Hope this feeling lasts
For the rest of my life"

This will be my last post for awhile because there are some things at this point in my life that I need to get through. I don't need this as a distraction. So to those of you I love dearly keep me updated in other ways....I won't be checking posts for a long time.

Mark 10:27

27Jesus looked at them and said, "With man this is impossible, but not with God; all things are possible with God."

Okay so my understanding of how gross guys can be when they are living with other guys has reached a whole new level tonight.

The youth went to DQ after church and we got into a conversation about the food that has left to mold in Hooper's kitchen sink, his dirty bathroom that doesn't get cleaned very often and how he thinks washing the kitchen floor is when he puts too much dishwashing soap in the dishwasher so that it spills out into the floor and Adam R's bathing rituals and sheet washing that only happens once a semester. Ewwwwww.

I think I wanted to throw up in my mouth.

I don't understand sometimes how and why people change. It's as if all of my friends from high school are changing into people that I don't even recognize anymore. I'm finding out  who they are becoming now that they think they are "adults" and the decisions they are making because they think they are so wise because they are in college. I'm a little down today because I feel like I'm losing friendships just because I refuse not to change into the people that they are.

I just don't get it.

I had a God talk with my Dad tonight when I got in from church.

I can't tell you how happy I am right now. It means so much!

Life makes me smile. God is so good. :0)

You make known to me the path of life;
in your presence there is fullness of joy;
at your right hand are pleasures forevermore.

—Psalm 16:11

I love you Lord.