Crushes.

That's how everything begins. A glance, a touch that
sparks emotion. It sends the signal to your brain that is electric. And
then your brain sends a signal to your heart that makes you feel warm
and fuzzy. It starts out so small, but it can develop into so much more…

The
sustained eye contact that sends messages back and forth. It makes
those dusty butterflies in your stomach shake of their wings and
flutter. The lump in your throat rises. The red in your cheeks shows
off is rosy hue. Your legs weaken, you don't know what to do with your
hands, and suddenly you care about how you look.

The
accidental touch that sends chills up your spine. It makes you stop and
indulge. Makes you turn and think, "Did…did that…did that really
happen—to me? Wow." Savor every memory. You look over at them and
everything else disappears. The hairs on the back of your neck stand
upright.

The look, the feel that everything's alright.

It
grows on you. The comfort you feel when you're around them. Knowing
you'll always have someone to hold you tight, to make you feel
complete. Someone you can talk to for hours or sit with in silence
forever. The dependence begins.

Mutual habits begin to form,
things are understood. You feel secure in anything—with them. When you
are without the other, you aren't the only one that notices. You
delight yourself in the knowledge that when they are gone, you'll get
to see them soon. You talk until the early morning about anything and
everything. You begin to learn love.

And then they are gone.

The problem is that the feeling that you felt and came so naturally isn't.

And
you know that whenever that one person talks to you, those same
butterflies dust off their wings once again and make you weak. Even
though you know you shouldn't, you give them trust as if nothing had
happened, and you hope that tomorrow is better than today.


My butterflies were dusted off this weekend.




<I wrote this in February, but I felt the need to repost it because it is very applicable to my life right now.  Luckily right now I'm not experiencing the sadder latter portion of the essay....hope you enjoyed.>


::b