I just wanted to share an old journal entry of mine with all of you...

August 20, 2004 ~ It always happens when you least expect it...

Today started out as a good, normal day. School was fine, I went home, and everything was fine. About 5:30 Garrett called and said we were gonna hang out at Amy's in an hour. So I was like "great, I'll see you then."

I get there to see Amy, Garrett, and Graham standing in the driveway. That was unusual... They didn't seem very happy... no joking or laughing.

So I walk up the driveway, and I'm glad I get to spend time with my friends, especially Garrett, and wonder why he doesn't look equally happy to see me.

And that's when he told me- "Bruce Gilley had a cardiac arrest and died."

There went my world again. It was the same feeling I got when Ellen died- this is not real, this cannot be happening, someone please wake me up from this nightmare!

...We eventually went to Amy's bonus room, and I continued to cry. There were times I would stop and be ok, but then I would think about Bruce again.

At one point, Garrett and Graham started quoting Finding Nemo and that made me laugh for a few moments. I knew Bruce would want me to not be too deeply grieved (he's in heaven- he's so lucky! As Brian said tonight at the memorial service- Bruce probably thinks we're all crazy crying over him!)

Anyhow, so there was a memorial service tonight at Belle Aire, and yet again, it was a lot like the night of Ellen's death. Hugs from friends... long, meaningful hugs. "I love you" 's were exchanged. Tears were shed. Shoulder were cried on. It was rough.

...He was such a cool kid. I have been racking my brain... trying to remember what I can.

I remember one Sunday after church we were both just waiting for our parents to be through with whatever and we had a good twenty minute conversation. We talked about his freshman orientation at Oakland, and he told me how he wasn't sure if he wanted to go there. I just told him to pray about it, and I prayed for him some as well. I think him staying at Oakland was definitely God's perfect plan for him. He had some lives to touch there before he left.

I think that was the same day he was baptized...

I remember Brian telling me he felt compelled to pray for Bruce... maybe it was preperation.

I did not remember this, but I found a journal entry where I recorded that Bruce gave me a hug. I thought that was so cool.

Oh... my... goodness...

I was just looking through that same entry... it was the Wednesday before we left for New York, and at House of Prayer there was a prayer thing for the people going on the trip... "and Bruce was saying how much he looked up to me."

Looked up to me?! I'm he one still here on earth, trying to figure everything out. He's the one who was so close to heaven...

Oh Bruce... how much I love him...

I found another entry- once Bruce ate with a bunch of us at Cracker Barrell.

I remember leaving him a comment (on Xanga) encouraging him when he was having a tough time, and then he left me one saying thanks and how much it meant to him...

I remember when Garrett and I were at the mall and we ran into Bruce (and his mom). Bruce had gone to the Buckle where he won a free bag, and we were telling him how he could use it for whenever he went to the pool.

We thought he would have plenty of time to use it...

And I remember on the night of Josh and Cindy's wedding when Bruce was waiting for his parents to pick him up, and Garrett told him to hotwire the Corvette and drive it home. Ha ha...

I remember always seeing him with a big smile on his face. Whenever I saw him, we said hi to each other. I passed by him and Cari a lot on my way up to the youth room. He won't be there anymore...

For the moment, I have reached the point where I can no longer cry. More tears will come though...

Man, he's so happy now, and in such perfect peace....

Bruce will be (and already is) greatly missed. We all love him so much...

Garrett pointed out these verses to me, and they are so perfect and comforting-

The righteous perish, and no one ponders it in his heart; devout men are taken away, and no one understands that the righteous are taken away to be spared from evil. Those who walk uprightly enter into peace; they find rest as they lie in death. -Isaiah 57:1-2

They enter into peace... though Bruce was running and suddenly had a cardiac arrest... and though he was rushed to the hospital and was in pain... he entered into peace... eternal peace, away from evil...



photo from milly