so i really don't know what's been wrong with me lately. but it almost seems like i don't want to admit that anything's been wrong because that makes it real. i've just been really depressed and worried and just making up awful hypothetical situations for no reason. like, i feel like i've been mentally ill. but i also really feel like it's just Satan stealing all of my joy. like, just when i start to feel like i'm gettin better, i start thinkin again, and i get all freaked out again. like, anxiety attacks. and i just don't get it. and right around the holidays too. i'm so weird. but like, everything's going really well for me lately. like, i made the cast for the play. we'll see how that goes. and i just find myself thinking so much about myself, or others (like my mom) dying all the time, and i just don't get it. it's freakin me out. and i just never can seem to be completely happy. and like, doubting my salvation and stuff. it's been going on for about a solid week now. i don't even know what's wrong with me. in wednesday i went to go see Rent. big mistake. not only is it depressing as crap, it was so offensive that me and Laura Beth walked out in the middle of it. Just utter sin. a lot of talent, but not worth it enough to stay and watch all of it. it was just like everyone had AIDS, and was addicted to crack, and was gay. just didn't appeal to me. anyways. i just need alot of prayer right now. thanks guys.  alot. much love---Cari