im a girl just like everybody else. im nothing special, im just another undecided soul floating around looking for her purpose. i have found hope in my Savior, but its hard for me to keep that in mind to fall back on. i was one of those many people so obsessed with the idea of experiencing that rush of love that i became consumed with a totally wrong concept of what love is truly meant to be. one of those people on the great quest to find love but saw it as a lost cause. but then, i met him. the one that gave me that rush, my love. the one who has entered the part of my heart that no one else gets to partake in the joy of receiving. that part is eternally his & i never want it back. i didnt realize that i could ever feel this way about a person, none the less about him in general. i didnt even know that such a feeling existed. its a feeling i cant explain. there isnt a word strong enough in meaning to grasp the depth of this love that burns inside me.

love hurts so good. thats how i put it. its the most amazing, painful, beautiful, unexpected, glorious things God has created. this adventure called love has been & will be the most difficult journey ill ever have to trek in my entire life. its strange how one moment youre on top of the world & the next your as low as heartbreak can get you. ive entrusted my whole heart to someone & its up to them to do what they please with it. he takes good care of my heart most of the time. theres been a few times where hes crushed it, but theres no other person who holds the pieces so well in his hands as he does. hes the perfect fix for it, but also the worst break. sometimes this fear comes over me that hes not responsible enough to handle it, but its already his; i cant get it back. i cant help that fear. im afraid that hell hurt me. im scared hes going to put me through that state of heartbreak again. i cant go back to that place. its hard, & almost impossible to escape. it seems dramatic, but love is dramatic when you think about it. it makes me think that i shouldnt be doing this. but maybe, im just not ready yet. i need to grow to trust him & learn how to love him with my greatest ability. i know i dont love him to my highest extent. i know im capable of being even more in love with him then i already am, but that fear is keeping me from that. i think its too soon to let that fear go, & that means that im guarding my heart. & once hes ready for us, im gonna let that guard down & show him a love hes never seen before. well teach each other things we could only learn from each other, & well be in love.

its just gonna take time.

[don't take this literal. & no, it's not being specific]