I'm getting a new digital camera & I'm buying it with my own money. I'm independent. it's a strive to be my own person & being able to take care of myself. is this right?

I frustrate myself. I blame myself for everything; all my heartbreaks, all the bad stuff going on. I almost feel superstitious sometimes about it. it's a work in progress. is this right?

I want to be content more than anything. it's like my new obsession; being happy. I feel like I'm forcing myself to be that way, but I want it to come naturally. it's a struggle taking it's sweet time. is this right?

I'm not content just being his friend. these feeling are starting to get really annoying & tiresome. I just want to help him, but he doesn't realize that's my decision. I pray & plead "help me help him," but for some reason I can't & that annoys the fire out of me. is this right?

I say I hate drama, but it continually presents its ugly self right in front of me. I'm starting to think that maybe everybody was right. maybe I am the cause of it. there I go; blaming myself for things again. is this right?

I'm sick of wanting something I can't have & not being satisfied with where I am. I'm here for a freaking reason, right? so why can't I see the beauty in it? God doesn't like it when His children hurt, right? & He's never gonna give us more than we can handle, correct? then why do I feel like I'm in reach of my breaking point? does God not want me to be content in Him? that's all I'm asking is to learn to be content in Him. I know I can't do it on my own so I'm pleading for Him to make me content. why isn't He answering? after all, I am His child, aren't I? I'm here, I'm now, I'm ready. is this right? why won't He answer me?