So this morning i came home and Sushi lessons began at around 10.  It was really fun and very interesting.  I used to think that i liked sushi.  Now im Positive that i do not.  Although i do like to make it, it tastes like shit.

All day i've just been thinking so much about Beks and GG.  I kno everyone is prolly sick to death of hearing about them.  The other day though my mom said something along the lines of " You know it just hit me, everyone that you're really close to is gone."  I felt like breaking down into tears.  And i almost did.  But then i realize that that isn't completely true.  My mom has been here and has been my life saver.  There's also that really cool guy that im dating, Santini. 

Beks and i would have hours of conversation devoted to dating and that institute they call marraige ( i dont know how to spell it.).  But it always came down to this:  I used to never believe that i could ever give that muchof myself to someone.  To marry and spend the majority of my life with them .And i i still dont really.  To fully surrender everything that i am to ONE person, I just never thought that i would be capable of it.  Im speaking of this in terms of a significant other.  But i see now that i was wrong.  I am capable of it, in fact i am guilty of it.  Since I was about 12 there has been this one person in my life.  This one girl that i've given myt whole self to,  and that is my sister.  She has the knowledge in her of my complete make-up.  She knows every oppinion, every joke, every gesture, every bend, every freckle, every flaw, every everything.  She knows it all.   She has all of me.  I'd marry HER. if i could.    She has taught me so much, this is just one example. 

      So the moral i have learned through thinking about this, is that it is ok to let go.  I let go and gave it all.  I layed it all down for her.  yes its painful at times.  NO she isn't here whenever i need her.  No it isn't perfect.  But the reward is far too great.  It makes it all worth it.  I have a life long best friend who just so happens to be my sister.  And i know that i will be capable of taking this on again with another person, when the time comes.  She's shown me that.