Wow- the Beth Moore conference was incredible! Every time I hear her speak or read one of her books, I am convinced that God has told her everything that is going on in my life. There were many things that she said that God used to speak directly to issues in my life. Probably the biggest revelation of the weekend was her quoting another author.
Since I did not write it down verbatim, and I am too lazy to go look at my notes and see who the author is - here is my paraphrase of the quote:
~Sometimes God allows us to see divine sparks in human love in order to give us a glimpse of His raging fire of love for us.

Well, I thought that was pretty neat, but it didn't really strike me until the next day when she repeated the quote, then continud with:
"sometimes we mistake the spark of human love for the fire of God's love." BAM!
That statement drove right to the heart of a lifelong struggle of unhealthy relationships. For months, I have been asking God to show me where I went wrong the last time and how I got so sidetracked - there was my answer! I spent most of the afternoon with this thought in mind and began praying for God to bring clarity. Last night as I lay in bed, praying about it once again, I heard the gentle whisper of God tell me -"it was never about him."
I was surprised at how quickly I felt both relief and regret - relief that I finally had the missing piece to the puzzle that I have been trying to complete for well over a year (hallelujah!) and regret that I had been so mistaken. All the things that I love about him were just the divine sparks that God allowed in an attempt to give me a glimpse of His love for me, but, instead of recognizing that and giving praise and glory to my Father, I poured all the love and gratitude into an earthly man. It was never supposed to be about him, it was supposed to be about Jesus. Father, forgive me.

I don't know why I felt the need to ramble on like that and I'm not sure any of it made sense to anyone else. There are many other things that I heard God say to me this weekend, but I really felt the need to share this one.

I love you!