The title says it all. I think I might be going to go to my grandparents' from tonight til Saturday afternoon. Eh, cool I guess. Lata.

So I'm here at work bored again. Oh well.

War of the Worlds was good, but pretty scary. Saw it with the rents.

Not much else to say right now, peeps. But things are good. :-)

I really dont like being the somewhat paranoid type. Every little thing always seems at first glance like something aimed at spiting me, and I respond accordingly, moments later realizing that I'm an idiot.

I dont always like being the emotional type. It means that I tend to blow things out of proportion when my feelings get hurt. That combined with the first one make that pretty darn difficult to deal.

I dont like having been raised to understand a chain of command. Sometimes it goes against my conscience and better judgement to do what comes from above. And that is pretty stressful, especially when I know the right thing. Or when both choices are the right thing but they directly conflict.

Relationships aren't easy. There are times where both parties get a bit ticked off at eachother. Or hurt eachothers' feelings. And that kinda is sad. But ya know what the thing of it is?

I think it is worth every bit of it. At least mine is.

One option is to shut out emotion. But, you see, that is retarded. The other option is to learn to deal. And I think that is what helps us grow up. Growth usually hurts. What doesn't kill me makes me stronger.

You, my dear Kiddo, make me stronger indeed.

You, dear Lord, make me stronger still.

All of you give strength to carry on.

Farewell, James Doohan. You had a long run. Scotty beams up no more.

Life is good. Lol, Amy and I have broken our old record for dating time as we have reached a week instead of 5 days. Hopefully it wont cut short anytime soon :-)

We wanna do something this week. Any ideas?

Extremely pleasant last couple of days. This lack of AIM has allowed much more sleep time. But it still is sometimes sad.

Tehe.

Now another trial must be dealt with. That should prove interesting. I just hope it goes well, I dont like being upset or having people upset with me. Especially as it affects other things.

Hrrm

Happy days.

Yeah, so my trouble is pretty well cleared up. A few fears here and there, but otherwise all clean.

It's official. :-)

So yeah . . . I'm tired and bored and hungry.

No worries. Leave me some love! I love you all.

"Sometimes something scary is just you being stupid about something you dont yet understand." -Dad

Well, darned if things arent weird. Do not be at all surprised if you never/rarely see me on AIM from now on.

Other than that little bit, everything seems somewhat calm for now. We shall see.

EDIT: Calmer but different. I'm really confused, hmmm.

Oddly I dont feel quite as down about everything as I expected. Then again, it is also quite true that two sources give different stories, and the one that I love and trust told one that rang truer.

Things are rocky, but I am not pessimistic right now.

Love conquers all. I hope that this holds true. But I'm sure it will. God is good.

EDIT: Well . . . jeez, now I'm getting confused. Certain things make more sense, others make less. Others feel better, some hurt worse. What the devil?

I really don't know what to say. At this particular moment, I'm flooded by every emotion in the spectrum. And a lot hinges on a discussion that I hope will come along tomorrow.

This is sink or swim. Things will either go great or I will lose basically my best friend and their incredible value to me. Everything is a balancing act. And as optimistic as I am, I can't help but wonder if once again something will cause the house of cards to collapse beneath me as it did last night. Record rebuild time, but we shall see.

I need to pray and think and sleep. My final goal would hurt someone. I dont want that, but if the worst case scenario happens, our roles would be swapped, with massive "political" fallout.

I dont know. Prayers always.

I hope that song doesnt strike again like it seems poised to off and on.

As if today wasnt already planning on sucking as it is.

I now find myself with a gaping wound. A trust that I held reluctantly against my better judgement has been shattered. Certain things will leave me paranoid forevermore (which is a retardedly sappy ensemble son which might actually make me feel better right now), especially when I'm away. And weather permitting I will be away this weekend. Bloody perfect timing.

Not only are Wednesdays the day that things always happen (a comment which Amy Bonin might remember with slight amusement from a few summers ago as well), but every time one of my favorite songs is played in worship things go bad. The first occurence was the night that Matthew announced to AO he was leaving. Of course, no offense to our previous college pastor, the result has been beautiful. Once more it played with a much lesser annoyance occurring. And again tonight. The specific line that always jumps out at me and builds fear in me will not be spoken for fear of speaking things into being, lol, but "Blessed be the Name of the Lord" is at times a bit too ironic for me to handle.

I got in bed at 12:15. Got up at 1. Was on the phone until 3:45. I doubt very highly that I will be getting much more sleep tonight, and that shall make my long day even longer.

I hurt. Yet in the midst of that hurt, several things bring odd amounts of comfort. For one thing, my ridiculously twisted sense of humor rarely fails to pull me out of a bind, even in the case of making a joke out of my own hurt. Honesty. I never really thought that simple honesty would go as far to make me feel better about a dreadful situation. The simplest virtues really can go a long way sometimes. So can a humble, sincere apology, even if it lacks a change of behavior.

God knows that I've been quietly praying to Him for hours now. And as much as mine are constant, all of your prayers would be great as well. More than evereverever. For me, my friend, and the fool who has all of this twisted up right now.

I know I shouldnt worry. This time I'm not worried about what is going to happen with everything. No, certainly not worried.

I am positively terrified.

Once again, nothing to do at work. Leave me some love. I miss people.

Yeah, I'm bored at work. Not much to do. I helped get the department caught up so now we're all bored, lol. Bosses all at lunch, so it's just the students running the show right now.

I'm having a hard time with some stuff. Nothing huge, just difficulty understanding things. Still confused tho. Prayer always is appreciated :-). That and assurance that things will work out.

I now know better than before where things are headed. But that'll take compromise. And that is scary too.

Some things are starting to settle down. So I think I get a breather, and more things get shaken up. I'm really confused, lol. I wish I knew what was going on. And I wish . . . I wish a lot of things. And I know most of them arent gonna happen. I'm nervous. Very nervous. I can't afford to worry, but I find myself trying to again. We'll see what goes. I always jump to worst-case scenarios and I'm only in the ballpark half of the time. So . . . we'll have to see.

Prayer please.

*confused tears, not sure what for*

The Soundtrack of My Life
- Opening Credits: "College Kids" by Relient K
- Waking-Up scene: "Breakfast" by The Newsboys
- Average Day scene: "Footloose" by Kenny Loggins
- Falling In Love scene: "I Want To Hold Your Hand" by The Beatles
- Love Scene: Susanna's Soul Piece as performed by Susanna Robinson
- Fight With a Friend scene: "One Step Closer" by Linkin Park
- Break-Up/Post Break-Up scene: "Forgotten" by Avril Lavigne
- Lonely scene: "Nobody's Home" by Avril Lavigne
- Get Back Together scene: "Mood Ring" by Relient K
- Fight scene: "Kick Me" by Plus One
- Wandering Around Randomly scene: "Mission's Flame" by Matt Redman
- Heartbreak scene: "My Happy Ending" by Avril Lavigne
- Mental Breakdown scene: "Going Crazy" by Plus One
- Driving scene: "Phenomenon" by Thousand Foot Crutch
- Sex scene: "Lala" by Ashlee Simpson
- Dream sequence: "The Prophet Song" by Queen
- Party scene: "Jump, Jump, Jump" by Joy Williams
- Happy Dance scene: "Love, Liberty, Disco" by The Newsboys
- Regret scene: "I Am Understood" by Relient K
- Long Night Alone scene: "The Thirst Is Taking Over" by Skillet
- Closing credits: "One Day More" from Les Miserables

You were destined to have a Red Lightsaber.

Red is the color of fire and blood, so it is
associated with energy, war, danger, strength,
power, and determination as well as passion and
desire. You have seen the Strength and Power of
the Dark Side of the Force and have you thirst
for more of it.


What Colored Lightsaber Would You Have?
brought to you by Quizilla


As we all know, I am a bit of a strangeling. This shows through in more things than we can possibly imagine, I'm sure. For example, as a general rule I think the most clearly when I am mowing the yard or washing the dishes. Strange, I know.

That being said, the rest of my post probably will have nothing to do with that.

I'm nervous right now. For several reasons. A friendship is on the rocks, not because of a quarrel with the friend, but one with said parents. I wish I was totally innocent in causing that, but I'm not. Nor are they. But I know that splitting blame is unlikely to fly. So I have to find some way to admit defeat without feeling like a doormat myself. It's a twisted position. But in the long run, I'd rather there be peace with everyone than there being my insistance I'm right. Only in this case, of course ;-)

Possibly even more intimidating than that situation is that coming this fall, I'm going to be responsible for a Bible Study group of guys, one of AOs J-Groups. Now, I can spill out logical beliefs and Bible verses as much as I want, but actually being in a teaching position will put a much higher level of accountability on me. I know I certainly can't hack it on my own, only by God's Grace will I be able to be effective and speaking God's truth and not my propaganda. But as my friends Layne, Ellen, and Rachel before me have shown, if I do rest in Him, I will be able to handle it. Layne who would rather admit not knowing than give a wrong guess. Rachel who is so amazing and is gonna head up a larger study for girls' now. Ellen, who no matter how many times she has said she has no wisdom, she blows me away totally with whatever she says next. The three of them have been blessed, and I can only hope to have half of their commitment and blessing.

I have been extremely encouraged to watch Jason Adkins the last several weeks. He seemed rather meek when I first met him, though meek with a certain comedic edge that always shined through. But seeing him take the reigns as interim college pastor for AO has simply been incredible. There is just something there. He is a true leader in that he makes me want to be a better leader, too. I am blessed to know him and I hope that all of you, whether already in AO or incoming, will get to know him too.

I'm not perfect. By ANY stretch or fabrication. I wont claim to be (aside from in jest like on Dad's Father's Day card). I dont like all I've done or all that I sometimes still do, and sometimes I consider letting that overcome me. Those times serve as a reminder to me though. A reminder that God's Grace is greater than the sum of my mistakes by a trillion trillion trillion times. By the Blood of Christ I am clean, mere filthy rags without.

Fear is a natural thing. Worry is an instinctive reaction. While caution is prudent enough, where do fear and worry get us but into a cycle more of the same? Things are going to scare us and we can't escape that, but why dwell? Dwelling on it will simply cause greater fear and pain. Trust in Jesus. He'll work it out just right, whether it is right the way we wanted it or not. Tomorrow will attend to itself. Today is all that we are promised, and not necessarily all of that.

Jesus is Lord. Simple as that. Today, tomorrow, yesterday. Forever. That is vastly comforting.

God Bless, Hasta la pasta, love you all!

-GW

I want to do something fun. I'm bored. And hungry. And popsicle. Ish.

Ya know, it's really kinda funny how much God can speak to and encourage me by speaking to and encouraging someone else.

I absolutely love that.



Oh, and another thing, it was absolutely awesome to have my old Sunday School class in AO with me on Sunday morning again. I love you all and I dont think I realized how much I missed some of you being around until then. :-) I know it'll be a transition, but I know you'll be as blessed by it as I will be by your presence :-)

Not so much to say really.

I'm glad everyone had a great time at Big Stuf. I wish to no end that I could have been there too. :-(

Everything else is pretty status quo. Have to see what goes. Leave me some love.

-Me

My will to keep going is gradually lessening. I fear the next few days with most of those I care about out of town and one of the people who I have been through everything with is being torn away by lack of understanding and anger.

I dont know what to do.

I dont know what I want to do.

"Everything else can burn. I dont care anymore." Londo Mollari, Babylon 5: Season 3 Episode 15: "Interludes and Examinations"