In A Relationship
Frustration. . .
February 21 2006
How frustrated can one person get? I thought I had traveled to the depths and back but no, today I've discovered yet another level.
I have tried SO hard not to believe my bubble of happiness would burst, however despite my best efforts, its definatley blown to bits.
Over something STUPID. Something that should have been nothing, that shouldn't have even involved me, but somehow, even though I didn't ASK to be involved at all, I come out the pond scum. At least thats how I'm treated. Its really tough to play second or third fiddle with someone who says that you are the love of their life. Really tough on the heart and confidence.
I only did what I thought was right, for myself and for all others involved. Sorry if that didn't go with the original plans however when I'm not involved or informed of those plans I can't be held accountable to abide by said plans. Sorry if I blew the lid off something but from my perspective there wasn't another option.
I just don't know what to do anymore, this is the first time I haven't reached out. I'm just not going to be the one who fights to make it right. It obviously didn't matter enough to settle it when it happened, or all day the next day, no effort. Therefore why should I put my neck and heart out there and risk rejection? I don't see a reason. "Don't make someone a priority who only makes you an option." Very wise words, hard for me to abide by b/c I am such a fixer but I'm not giving in this time. I got left, I got pushed aside, I got ignored, all for trying to save everyone's butt. On something I wasn't even involved in too boot. UGH. HOW do I come out wrong?!?!?! AHHHHHHHHHH. . . I could scream, I have in fact, twice today, out of nothing but sheer frustration, and hurt. I haven't cried over this, other than last night at being left, I haven't let myself. I had the purest of intentions at heart, that should count for something. You'd think someone who loves me would at least listen to my side. At least care about my feelings. You'd think fixing it would matter. But apparently not.
Now where does this leave me?