"what have I become?

my sweetest friend

everyone I know

goes away in the end"

...

"if I could start again

a million miles away

I would keep myself

I would find a way"


I know that growing up is a tedious, torturous and trying experience. It's a drag. It's not that I don't want to grow up, it's that I don't like going through the experiences that make growing up occur. This past semester has been full of growth experiences. And true to form, I'm sure I won't even realize that I have grown until the next time that something happens.

I turned 23 this past November and it was the first time I actually felt older when I woke up on my birthday. For once in my life, I felt like an adult...

Take that to mean what you please, but it was slightly unsettling. Too many things have happened over the last few months for me to smile the smile that I was created to wear. With the hurricane erasing  much of what held my memories of growing up to people leaving either physically or emotionally, the world has begun to look sadly grey and drab.

Add that to the fact that I am living in a town and seeking a degree that I'm not totally convinced God has for me and there's a small amount of questioning occuring.

There is a Life I know that is to be lived. There is a Sun's Light that is to be basked in. I want that, but everything now seems like that is on hold.

A few years ago I felt things were in order: there was Love, there was Purpose, there was Comfort. Those are gone and I know that it does not mean God has gone. I know it means He may be even closer.

I want to hold a hand and go live life in abundance with abandon and with Love.