addition to "The List"--38. Someone that will sweep me off my feet, and never put me down!!

and God bless-- snow on your tongue

--and laughter with friends

--and chocolate milk =)

Thank you for your prayer's, you will never know how much that meant and helped. My spirit is calmed and the peace has returned to my soul. I find it funny that God uses all means possible to get our attention. I probably shouldn't, but it does ammuse me quite a bit. Here is the thing. Because I know you want to know, we are just close like that. lol...k I am reading a series of books, I have read them before...about 5 years ago actually...and got to the third one and guess what? It deals with the situation I am going through!!! Well, I finished the book today and had so many places marked that I wanted to reread so that I could understand better. I went back and a light bulb went off in my head...over and over and over...every time I read something. God is so amazing and He suprises me constantly. It is so great!! See, I have only just begun to trust God fully, with my whole life, every part of it, and it feels absolutly fabulous. I have never been so happy!!

Anyway, back to my book. There are some verses I would like to share with you if that's alright. These came at a time in the book that the woman was trying to figure out what to do, if it was real, if the feelings she was having were coming from God. My favorite verse they said (and my new personal favorite) --Psalm 27:14 "Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord." --Hebrews 13:5 "I will never leave you nor forsake you." --Isaiah 43:1 "I have called you by your name, you are mine." --Psalm 115:12 "The Lord has been mindful of us; he will bless us." --Psalm 27:10 "When my father and my mother forsake me, then the Lord will take care of me."

Then she had a realization that I shared with her..."God didn't just love her; he desired her. God wanted her. He promised to never leave her or ignore her or act as if he didn't know her."...I took that to heart, and my heart overflowed..."She needed to stop running and stop ignoring the pain of abandonment and feeling of unwantedness that she had lived with all these years. God wanted her. She needed to believe that with her whole heart."...and I did, though it is still hard sometimes...feeling unwanted, even after all these years...and feeling today as if you are being rejected by someone, especially someone you care about.

The whole book has quotes of Elizabeth and Robert Browning. Their love story amazes me. They wrote each other for months, then he went to see her...they had never met before this time, only written...they had fallen in love through words, they knew each other's hearts...they fell in love all over again upon meeting and got married and raised a family. One of my favorite quotes in the book from the Brownings was this...Robert--"How you say? Let us, O my dove, Let us be unashamed of soul, As earth lies bare to heaven above! How is it under our control, To love or not be loved?" and Elizabeth's response--"And I who looked for only God, found thee! I find thee; I am safe, and strong and glad."

I have fallen in love with the Browning's correspondence. I would love to read them all. For someone to speak those words to me with that much love and passion...they would have my heart all over again. Something interesting about when the Browning's met...the first thing he did was kiss the finger's that brought them together...how romantic is that!!! Such love, such passion, such...I don't know how to explain it...

I am sorry if I bored you with my hopeless romantic ideas of life. I can't help myself sometimes. I was a happy person before, but now it is overflowing from my heart and I can't stop it...nor do I want to. I love this feeling, I don't know what it is but I love it. I trust God, whole-heartedly, and that he will provide my every need.

Thank you God for restoring the peace and calm to my soul and spirit. Continue to restore it, every-second of everyday...I am just a frail human. Help me continue to trust and have faith. I love you with every ounce of my being and can't wait until I am able to share that love with someone. I trust you to provide and I pray for my future husband...whomever he may be and wherever he may be...I love him already!!!

smile~ash



ps--They say the first step towards recovery is admitting you have a problem...here goes...HI, my name is Ashley (friends call me ash) and I'm a Chocoholic...there, I said it!!! Are you happy now!!! I don't feel any better...maybe it's because I haven't said the whole truth...let's try this....ok....I am a Chocoholic and I love you!!! There, much better!!! Have a GREAT day!!!!!!