Hmmm. . . so much on my mind. So many people make me so happy, make my life feel so blessed. And somehow, some way there is ALWAYS this little voice inside that whispers "It might end, it might fall, it might burst, it can't last, it never does, why would it now. . . " on and on, relentless.

It gets so old, not believing the good can last. Not believing its "real." So many good things have been going on here lately and yet in the midst of it all a tiny hand clutches my heart and whispers "It will all come crashing down, don't get too attached, don't count on it"  Sometimes I wonder if letting this little voice get to me is part of the reason things always do go south, because I believe they will. Someone important once told me "If you keep believing that its going to happen!" I have to wonder how true that is. It scares me to think that could be the case, because now the good things are so precious, are some of the things I've dreamt of all my life, I'd do anything to prevent this bubble from bursting but I don't know that I possess the knowledge and that is staggering. Okay, pondering complete, for the moment.