So I spent last night dreaming about and today thinking about that book.

I went back and re-read some of it and figured out what it was that kept calling me back. When Angel leaves Michael it is not for lack of love, she is consumed, overwhelmed by her love for him, she doesn't even fully understand it. However, despite her lack of comprehension, she does understand one thing fully, she wants ONLY what is best for this man she loves and who has done so much for her, more than he even knows. In this particular story Angel cannot have children, something Michael desperately wants, even though he knows she cannot have them and has let that go, Angel knows it wounds him deeply. This knowledge is a major contributing factor to why she leaves him the last time, she truly believes he would be better off w/o her, that her being with him has destroyed or prohibited his dreams, she refuses to do this. Because, you see, despite her fighting against it, Angel understands the hardest type of love, sacrifical love. And she embodies it.

It was this realization that struck me so hard yet again. Partly I guess it served as confirmation, I have often believed that someone I loved would truly be better off withouth me, despite what they said. And more than once I have distanced or cut myself off from someone I love, not wanting to, but doing so b/c I believed they would be better off. Many people have thought this foolish, but I guess through this I learned that sacrifical love does exist, its just rare.

However in the book Angel also learns of God, comes to believe and through miraculous God- orchestrated circumstances, comes back to this man she loves. I believe this comes to past to demonstrate God's unyielding  mercy, he gives us things even when we don't deserve them. Angel did not deserve Michael's love, but he gave it, and it was for her alone. That is what I'm hoping for, a God-orchestrated love that is above and beyond what anyone could ask for.

I know w/o a doubt there are people in my life due to nothing less than God-direction. It is an awesome phenomena to witness God working directly in your life. I just pray I live up to His expectation and never forget to be grateful for all those I love of which I am so unworthy.