a new leaf of the life has been turned to, i just could not help myself in too many things. love life and worshipping God, i just began to find myself hard to adjust to this new life. Recalling back the life one year ago, i was free, totally free, just could do anything i want. some people said that the moment we lost something, we are gaining something. sometimes i am asking, why am i now? why do i have to come to this point? is it because God doesn't love me any more? is it because God wants me to learn another lesson? or, is it because God has already forsaken me? i dont know. there is something i just could not understand, and i am very clear that i am changing, better or worse. who knows. i have told to God that i am willing to devoted myself to HIM, but i just could not touch HIM anymore. where are U, my Lord? have u left me? have u forgotten me? or , have u forsaken me?  God, i am a sinner, i am totally no better than anyone else, please, please, please, dont forsake me..................