Garreth \"Karate Explosion\" Blackwell
Social
Highschool
Pascagoula High School
College
University of Mississippi
Interests
my freaking awesome magazine (get on board as an investor now), painting, Red Sox Baseball, Cooking, Socio-political Ranting, foreign films, dogs, traveling, chinese food, changing the world, downing the Man, entreprenurial enterprises, sitting and thinking, a thing in a bag
Favorite Music
Sufjan Stevens, Bright Eyes, Coldplay, The Beatles, Howie Day, Bob Marley, N.E.R.D., The Postal Service, Bloc Party, Radiohead, Nina Simone, Billie Holiday, Celia Cruz, Tito Puente, John Lennon
Favorite Movies
Amelie, City of God, Hotel Rwanda, A Very Long Engagement, Motorcycle Diaries, Shaun of the Dead, Dodgeball, Austin Powers, Triplettes of Belleville
Favorite Books
Mere Christianity, Walking on Water, Ragamuffin Gospel, Blue Like Jazz, Celebration of Disciplines, Roald Dahl stuff, Catcher in the Rye
Other Websites
www.homestarrunner.com
It's long, but please read it.
February 23 2006
Last night a friend of mine from home put a gun in his mouth and shot himself. His roommate came home and found his body in the floor of their apartment. He called Chris's parents and waited in the apartment with Chris's dog until they arrived. He was 23 and wasn't even a college graduate. For some reason Chris thought not being here was better than the alternative.
I've been sitting here today trying to put myself in Chris's place and just try to comprehend what could possibly go through a 23-year-old's head as he holds a gun ready to halt every breath he will ever take and every thought he will ever have. Chris had been struggling with depression since our freshman year of college and the murder of his best friend Kyle. The only thing we can all come up with is that he just couldn't take anything else. Chris shot himself because the only thing he could do was give up.
I have issues with depression, too, and I'd be lying if I said I hadn't considered not waking up in the morning as a good thing. But I never got to a point where I was holding the gun. I can't imagine that desperation. I can't imagine that hurt.
With Chris, and with so many other people, the biggest problem may have been that he held on to some things too much. I enjoy a nice drink every so often, I enjoy smoking a pipe, I enjoy my friends, I enjoy school (to an extent), but I don't elevate these things. When we take these things that can be good and elevate them to be more than they are, we lose Joy. For example, I like a good drink, but when I fall into bad habits and consistantly drink and drink and drink, I find everything in my life becomes dull and tarnished and it completely lacks Joy. The same goes with friends, dating, school, anything. The only thing I can cling to unabashedly is Christ. He's all that makes life worth anything.
It's really sad to think Chris is gone. He was a nice guy. But just like everything else in life, I'm trying to look at this and ask myself "What can I learn from this?" I don't want to sound preachy or cliche, but the one thing that stands out is that I can't think my life is ordinary. I can't let my life be ordinary. I don't want my life to be ordinary. I can't settle. But more than my settling, I don't want my friends to settle. Seriously, this past semester God has allowed me to Love. And I would rather die than see my friends and family settle for less than what they have in them through Christ. I know people with potential that humbles me daily and so many of them do nothing with it. We settle for ease and painlessness.
Damn it! Give me the pain, give me the hurt and the bad and the crap. Because the more of it there is, the more I know that God is more and better and beautiful and lovely and loving and kind and generous. I want nothing that is ordinary or bland.
Chris can't get up tomorrow and enjoy a day of sunshine and Love, but we all can. I don't want his life to have been in vain.
I love you. Be more. Please.
I've been sitting here today trying to put myself in Chris's place and just try to comprehend what could possibly go through a 23-year-old's head as he holds a gun ready to halt every breath he will ever take and every thought he will ever have. Chris had been struggling with depression since our freshman year of college and the murder of his best friend Kyle. The only thing we can all come up with is that he just couldn't take anything else. Chris shot himself because the only thing he could do was give up.
I have issues with depression, too, and I'd be lying if I said I hadn't considered not waking up in the morning as a good thing. But I never got to a point where I was holding the gun. I can't imagine that desperation. I can't imagine that hurt.
With Chris, and with so many other people, the biggest problem may have been that he held on to some things too much. I enjoy a nice drink every so often, I enjoy smoking a pipe, I enjoy my friends, I enjoy school (to an extent), but I don't elevate these things. When we take these things that can be good and elevate them to be more than they are, we lose Joy. For example, I like a good drink, but when I fall into bad habits and consistantly drink and drink and drink, I find everything in my life becomes dull and tarnished and it completely lacks Joy. The same goes with friends, dating, school, anything. The only thing I can cling to unabashedly is Christ. He's all that makes life worth anything.
It's really sad to think Chris is gone. He was a nice guy. But just like everything else in life, I'm trying to look at this and ask myself "What can I learn from this?" I don't want to sound preachy or cliche, but the one thing that stands out is that I can't think my life is ordinary. I can't let my life be ordinary. I don't want my life to be ordinary. I can't settle. But more than my settling, I don't want my friends to settle. Seriously, this past semester God has allowed me to Love. And I would rather die than see my friends and family settle for less than what they have in them through Christ. I know people with potential that humbles me daily and so many of them do nothing with it. We settle for ease and painlessness.
Damn it! Give me the pain, give me the hurt and the bad and the crap. Because the more of it there is, the more I know that God is more and better and beautiful and lovely and loving and kind and generous. I want nothing that is ordinary or bland.
Chris can't get up tomorrow and enjoy a day of sunshine and Love, but we all can. I don't want his life to have been in vain.
I love you. Be more. Please.
