ok so...this is gonna be random. i just emailed chris and he always puts me in one of those enlightening moods but i didnt wanna go and complain to him bout my own problems.

like...i have a problem with lies. everyone is lying to someone. mainly...anthony. he lies to me, he lies to jill. ok i know its not so much lying, more like..leaving us in the dark bout certain things. i cant even be totally sure if he does that with jill all the time cuz im not around. but i was with him at his house after school today and i wonder why when she called and he actually was looking at me telling her that he was doing homework and had to work. first of all, whats wrong with telling her he's with me? is he worried about saying that? and why did he say he was doing homework? we were about to leave to go to sonic so of course that was BS. and why say he was gonna work? he wasnt even sure about that. as far as he knew he didnt have to work that day until rafiq called him at 5pm. ok yea, this will piss people off, sorry anthony.

and then theres the lying to me factor. well more like, keeping me in the dark. no matter how much i get mad at him for it he still feels compelled to wait hours, even days sometimes to tell me certain things. like going with jill to phobia. i actually called while he was there and he didnt say anything. he didnt even say he went there talking on the phone to him that evening. he didnt even tell me who was there. or conversations he leaves blanks in as if im not gonna know "duh, theres something in there you're not telling me" then he profusely apologizes about it as if he wont do it again. why hide things from me? how can i trust him? i mean..its as if everything he says now i always have that feeling like "is there more to it that hes not teling me? were other people there with him?" for like an hour i was aware that only adam was with him at phobia. then all of a sudden he goes "i know you're upset but you couldnt have gone cuz..." and then you could tell he totally did not mean to let that one slip and now theres no turning back and find out he never intended to tell me. why hide that from me? why hide anything from me? i tell him everything even if he wont like it, i do it anyway. i guess it began to bug me more today cuz i found he was doing it to both sides. just for his sake? i suppose so.