To be honest...I don't mind how long they are...it is just nice to have someone on the other end that can make you smile. And smile is what I did when "he" called me. And thats all I have to say...mostly because Emily already knows the situation, and well, Nathan, you don't...so if you are wondering...he is just someone who I met at Passion 05 and have kept in touch with for the past 6 months...so the reason that I am making such a big deal about it is...well, I have six months worth of emothions all rolled into this one moment...and well, I have a tendency to make a big deal about everything. Okay, have a nice day Emily and Nathan. :)

So, I did it! And I think I am done freaking out about it...which is a good thing. Who would have thought that giving someone that you have known for 6 months your number would be such a big ordeal? Yeah, I know it isn't...I just freak out about boys...oh, how I wish I understood them!

I had such a great weekend! (or rather first half of the week) Belmont was even more wonderful than I anticipated...everyone, and I mean everyone, that I met was so fun and genuinely nice! I keep thanking God for blindly bringing me to this place. I have been wondering why I was going to this college, but it just makes sense after spending a few nights on campus...I can't wait to go back in a few months! Ahhhhhh...life is getting more and more exciting by the day! So, now all I have to do is wait.

So orientation is this Monday, and my parents and I are driving up tomorrow afternoon! I'm very excited! I might even get to meet my roommate! Yay! Hmmm...well, there is nothing else to say, I'll let you know how it goes.

There you go changing my plans again
There you go shifting my sands again
For reasons I don't understand again
Lately I don't have a clue

Just when I start liking what I see
There you go changing my scenery
I never know where you're taking me
But I'm trying just to follow you

It's out of my hands
It's out of my reach
It's over my head
And it's out of my league
There's too many things
That I don't understand
So it's into your will
And it's out of my hands

There you go healing these scars again
Showing me right where you are again
I'm helpless, and that's where I start again
I'm giving it all up to you

It's out of my hands
It's out of my reach
It's over my head
And it's out of my league
There's too many things
That I don't understand
So it's into your will
And it's out of my hands

Move me, make me
Choose me, change me
Send me, shake me
Find me, remind me
The past is behind me
Take it all away
Take it all from me, I pray

It's out of my hands
It's out of my reach
It's over my head
And it's out of my league
There's too many things
That I don't understand
So it's into your will
And it's out of my hands

in someone else's arms.

I'm sitting in my room right now now doing much of anything...there is so much that I am feeling inside, so much that I want to accomplish, so much that I wish I understood!

Sometimes I feel like a bunny rabbit running back in forth on an advertisement at the top of the computer screen. Why is he running? Is it for nothing? I wonder. Is there something that needs to be accomplished or of more importance that he could be doing, yet he finds himself doing everything that he can except the one thing that matters? It isn't even like there is a race. He isn't racing a tortoise, he is just running back and forth, back and forth. Ahhhh...I hate that feeling of doing the same thing everyday, day after day.

You know what I hate more than that? I hate waiting for something to happen, waisting precious time. For example, I am leaving for college in 74 days. And I feel as though life has become a giant waiting room. I mean, the meaning of my life isn't to attend Belmont in the fall. For all I know, I could come down with an illness that keeps me from attending this fall...who am I to say what is going to happen? I don't mean to sound morbid, or pessimistic, it is just that I don't want to sit on my butt any longer...why am I waisting my life waiting to leave Powder Springs? I need to live NOW...one day at a time.

And while I am on the subject of waiting...I have recently discovered that I have become the very thing that I have always taken pride in not being. (I'm not sure if that sentence made any sense, so let me explain). Let it be known by all that I am a hopeless romantic. In past years, I wouldn't have admitted this, but there is no denying it...I swoon when watching chick flicks and I dream of being pursured and falling in love. Now I think this is completely healthy and normal. The thing that I hate, and want to kick myself in the shin for is not being content with waiting for it to happen. You see, I am 18 years old and have never been in a serious relationship...to be honest, emberrassingly honest, my last boyfriend was in middle school. I'm not so sure this is normal, though I don't feel that it is a bad thing.

This evening I was sitting with a good friend of mine at Waffle House and I got off on a tangent concerning my feeling about love/relationships, more specifically my love life (or lack there of...haha). I guess I never expected to meet anyone that I would feel completely comfortable around and love at the same time. I thought that there would be some kind of game that had to be played. But, tonight something clicked...or maybe it has been in the process of clicking for some time now. I am completely wrong! What if there is someone out there who will think that you are great, just being you? The good and the bad. For me, that is a nice thought. And in recent months I have had glimpses that have given me a new hope. I am thankful for the friendships I have been given that are genuine! There is nothing like being able to have a conversation with someone and feeling that they really care. Whether it be a goofy banter, a good ol' cry, or a serious discussion. I need those! I need to be myself. I'm not someone who is very secretive...if you ask me something I will usually tell. The thing is, I don't think there are too many people who actually want to know what is going on with you if they ask. Oh, I can't tell you how much it means to me when someone really wants to know about my life. Don't get me wrong, I honestly don't enjoy talking about myself all the time (I don't think that I have that much worth saying all the time), I think it is important to share the floor...a balanced converation is the way to go!

In conclusion, I do know that I no longer want to try and make things happen in my life that are out of my control. It is foolish and a waist of my time. I also, want to be proactive in life. I want to live out what I believe and stop being a lazy bum. And I want to trust God more...I want to fall deeply in love with Him. And lastly, I want to follow God and actively do what He tells me to...no more heedless listening for me, just reckless following! (James 1).

to the mountains of North Carolina! I have to check out my brothers girlfriend...
I wonder if she will pass inspection? Only time will tell.

hmmm...