taking a note from justin

October 11 2005
well as usual, reading justin vance's blog hit me right where i needed to be hit. he wrote,

"I’ve accepted the fact that I don’t need to know what will happen along the way, only what direction I am pointing. For I am sure of my destination, and I rest in that peace, but the planning, human side of me wants to talkback in question. He wants to ask for a plan, for answers, for just a little more light on the situation than I’ve been given at this moment."

this is a brick wall i keep hitting. if you know me, you know i am agressive in everything i do and will take charge in any situation. this summer God forcefully reminded me that i am not in control of my life no matter how much i try to be. i gave it to God, but every now and then, i stumble, become insecure, and grapple hopelessly and helplessly for the security i find in the control i don't really have. I know that He is in control. I know that His way is sooooooo much better than mine. perhaps its me that i don't trust, perhaps its everyone else. I don't really know, but i guess i don't have to. I just have to let go- and just be .