my throat is tight

i can't swallow

all of my emotions seem to have collected in the pit of my stomach and they seem to swell with each tear i hold back 

i don't want to cry,

but i don't want to hurt either

yet i can't seem to prevent either 

i feel my heartbeat throughout every part of my body 

i don't want to think because i don't like my thoughts

anger, hurt, dissappointment

fear floods in bringing with it even worse

those things unnamed by the heart because i don't want to admit    

    they are there 

if little things are impossible, then what of the big things?

what does this mean?

why do i hurt? 

is being numb better than feeling pain?