Sam-Graham Jinn (Graham Wells)
Social
Relationship Status
Single
Highschool
Oakland/Siegel High School
Interests
Lots
Favorite Music
Good music
Favorite Movies
Good movies, Lord of the Rings, Star Wars, Star Trek, Batman Begins, Pirates of the Caribbean 1&2, Mean Girls, Love Comes Softly, Spider-Man 1&2
Favorite Books
Good books, Outbound Flight, Starfighters of Adumar, Star by Star, The Unifying Force, Survivor's Quest, The Swarm War, Remnant, Rebel Dream, Solo Command, Lord of the Rings, Revenge of the Sith, The Seventh Son, The Red Prophet, Betrayal, The Joiner King, The Unseen Queen, The Swarm War.
Other Websites
http://xanga.com/BrokenStoneHeart
Gaping Wound
July 07 2005
As if today wasnt already planning on sucking as it is.
I now find myself with a gaping wound. A trust that I held reluctantly against my better judgement has been shattered. Certain things will leave me paranoid forevermore (which is a retardedly sappy ensemble son which might actually make me feel better right now), especially when I'm away. And weather permitting I will be away this weekend. Bloody perfect timing.
Not only are Wednesdays the day that things always happen (a comment which Amy Bonin might remember with slight amusement from a few summers ago as well), but every time one of my favorite songs is played in worship things go bad. The first occurence was the night that Matthew announced to AO he was leaving. Of course, no offense to our previous college pastor, the result has been beautiful. Once more it played with a much lesser annoyance occurring. And again tonight. The specific line that always jumps out at me and builds fear in me will not be spoken for fear of speaking things into being, lol, but "Blessed be the Name of the Lord" is at times a bit too ironic for me to handle.
I got in bed at 12:15. Got up at 1. Was on the phone until 3:45. I doubt very highly that I will be getting much more sleep tonight, and that shall make my long day even longer.
I hurt. Yet in the midst of that hurt, several things bring odd amounts of comfort. For one thing, my ridiculously twisted sense of humor rarely fails to pull me out of a bind, even in the case of making a joke out of my own hurt. Honesty. I never really thought that simple honesty would go as far to make me feel better about a dreadful situation. The simplest virtues really can go a long way sometimes. So can a humble, sincere apology, even if it lacks a change of behavior.
God knows that I've been quietly praying to Him for hours now. And as much as mine are constant, all of your prayers would be great as well. More than evereverever. For me, my friend, and the fool who has all of this twisted up right now.
I know I shouldnt worry. This time I'm not worried about what is going to happen with everything. No, certainly not worried.
I am positively terrified.
I now find myself with a gaping wound. A trust that I held reluctantly against my better judgement has been shattered. Certain things will leave me paranoid forevermore (which is a retardedly sappy ensemble son which might actually make me feel better right now), especially when I'm away. And weather permitting I will be away this weekend. Bloody perfect timing.
Not only are Wednesdays the day that things always happen (a comment which Amy Bonin might remember with slight amusement from a few summers ago as well), but every time one of my favorite songs is played in worship things go bad. The first occurence was the night that Matthew announced to AO he was leaving. Of course, no offense to our previous college pastor, the result has been beautiful. Once more it played with a much lesser annoyance occurring. And again tonight. The specific line that always jumps out at me and builds fear in me will not be spoken for fear of speaking things into being, lol, but "Blessed be the Name of the Lord" is at times a bit too ironic for me to handle.
I got in bed at 12:15. Got up at 1. Was on the phone until 3:45. I doubt very highly that I will be getting much more sleep tonight, and that shall make my long day even longer.
I hurt. Yet in the midst of that hurt, several things bring odd amounts of comfort. For one thing, my ridiculously twisted sense of humor rarely fails to pull me out of a bind, even in the case of making a joke out of my own hurt. Honesty. I never really thought that simple honesty would go as far to make me feel better about a dreadful situation. The simplest virtues really can go a long way sometimes. So can a humble, sincere apology, even if it lacks a change of behavior.
God knows that I've been quietly praying to Him for hours now. And as much as mine are constant, all of your prayers would be great as well. More than evereverever. For me, my friend, and the fool who has all of this twisted up right now.
I know I shouldnt worry. This time I'm not worried about what is going to happen with everything. No, certainly not worried.
I am positively terrified.
bonin4him
July 07 2005
:o) i do remember that wednesday...it's a night i'll probably never forget...however, i also remember & shall never forget the summer & events that followed. God worked everything in His perfect way...and now when i look back on that wednesday night, haha i laugh. God came through for the 3 of us then and certainly will now! Keep fighting the good fight! you're in my prayers!
bonin4him
July 07 2005
haha do u still have the card from the dr. pepper gift? i know u did a lil while ago haha! :o)
Amy
July 07 2005
Some of the subways and one of the buses in London was bombed by terrorists. So far they have counted 37 deaths and hundreds of injuries. You can check out the details online at Yahoo or some other news source.
