I want to scream.
If I don't leave the house soon, there's going to be an emmense risk for temorary insanity.

Some nights I just don't feel like sleeping.

I'm trying not to force change upon anything. Though I've talked a lot about how I want things to be, it's only because I'm living in 2 worlds that are polar opposite. Really, neither needs to change, because then it wouldn't be real. You'd be faking what I wanted. I just.. I don't like to choose. I know I cannot mix oil with water but I continue to try.

I've either been sleeping too little or too much... I haven't decided which one.

So I was reading the latest post on "justincredible"s site about waiting... and it really made me think. Lately I've been pretty wrapped up in the way things are going to turn out, so much in fact, that I'm not enjoying what's going on right now. I'm too focused on what things WILL be, instead of what they ARE. Right now I have something amazing, something to smile for. I don't know why I'm never satisfied, but it's obvious to everyone around me. Even after losing 20 pounds, growing my hair out, getting my long-time boyfriend back, reconnecting my cellphone, having cash in my purse, and finally having my mom loosen up the slack a bit..... things still don't feel right. I've come really far, I just wanna see where it's all going. I guess I miss my huge groups of extremely close friends. And I'm so consumed with what the future brings, that I'm forgetting to see how beautiful it is... this very moment.

*sigh* I try.

shimmisparkle: ugh im so bored!!!
shimmisparkle: kill me.
Laus Deo17: die
shimmisparkle: oh yeah, that worked.
Laus Deo17: i bet it did
shimmisparkle: are you going to bury me now?
Laus Deo17: no
Laus Deo17: i'm going to let your body rot in a swimming pool
Laus Deo17: :-)
shimmisparkle: damn...
shimmisparkle: that SUCKS.
Laus Deo17: yeah, sorry

HAhaaaa.... Okay, so I'm easily entertained.

I think Jason stole my boyfriend... :(

I hate addictions. But if you took it all away... I would have nothing.

It's been a while since I've been that good. I'm on an emotion high I guess you could say. Nothing's wrong, and there's a lot I can be happy for. It's really starting to feel like summer -now that all the drama's out of the way- and I'm out most nights. Eating banana splits, watchin movies, and staring at the stars. I've met a lot of new people and most of them have been great. The next couple weeks are going to be insane. I've got a few things in mind....

I just wish I knew where I'm gonna be after that. I try not to think about it much, but I feel a little lost knowing that home may not be home anymore. I refuse to go without confirmation that I AM coming back. I won't leave you.

I don't respond to change very well. At least not when it comes to my blogging habits... I'm still slightly partial to my Xanga... even if it is more work.

It's a Sunday, the most uneventful day of the week. They're either really lonely, or really really boring. And rarely ever exciting, with few exceptions.
I have a bunch of really great photos on my camera from camp and other things... but in order to post them, I have to go all the way to Antioch to get my USB cord back and download them into a computer that actually works. So I guess we'll wait on that one.....