Okay...so it's been such an emotional week. It's been all too much for me to handle. I lost people who I thought really cared about me. There are a few good things that came from all of this though:

1. I ran back to my family. I talked to my brother for an hour tonight. I told him how I've been so messed up lately. Dad called, I told him I was going to move back home, and the first question he asked was, "Did you and the boys have a fight?" How does he know me so well? I didn't want him to know he was right, so I responded with a no. Mommy's coming tomorrow at 12, when my classes end, to help me move out. I need her to hold me, and pet my head like when I was a child, and not ask questions. She never does, she's just always there to love me. I have been talking with my cousin. Elizabeth. I think I need her more in my life. She is a little younger than me, but she can understand me I think. And I just need someone to hang out with, talk to, and be girly with.

2. I relied on my girl friends. I got so wrapped up in the guys that I really didn't have too many girl friends. And Jes, my roomie has been gone for 6 weeks. So I have strengthened my relationships with Lindsey, Irina, Jessica, B, and Elizabeth. I love you all so much!

3. Since I was having my own great depression, I ran back to God. I have been so far from him, and have changed so much. I can already see that He is helping me. Thank God for mercy and grace. Thank Him for always taking me back. I cannot fathom taking someone like me back, when I left him. I'm so sorry.

4. I'm focusing on the things I forgot. Schoolwork, God, family, friends.

5. I learned a lot from all this tragedy...not really good, but...

So I'm moving home to get my life back in order. I'll be attending college and hopefully working. I'll definitely be working out. I plan on taking Mom and Ryan to the gym with me. I'll get my body, my confidence, my life,my grades, MYSELF back.

I can already see some of me returning. Some of the old high school bad, some of the January good. I'm going to try to sift into the perfect, exuberant me. Tomorrow hopefully Mommy and me can get pedis and manis, and go shopping. And maybe, I can get my hair fixed. I want to feel special!