(i wrote this 6 months ago and i don't think i ever let you read it)

[Thursday, June 30, 2005]

Against the pale blue the tangerine roses are beautiful
they bring out the stars of van gogh
and brighten the room like a sunrise
painted with love's golden hues
refreshing as
a cool mint color green
i am pacified and calm
there are things i have not told you
but they're trivial and dumb
facts about a person i used to be
when i was not so fully me
they don't matter
anymore
they are like umbrellas on a sunny day, bulky burdens
besides
we've got our ponchos
they can keep us from any storm

under my bed are the monsters
i put them there myself
i thought
"that way they won't scare me"
but they do
late at night when i'm cold and alone
and your arms, your voice,
you
aren't there to protect me
latenight memories of loneliness
but the pain is not so profound
they all failed remarkably well
to be honest
i don't know where i'm going with this
i'm just trying to distract myself from the fear

you told me to write a poem
about the zipper effect of two merging lanes of traffic
after i pointed out
the remarkable way the cars came together
like something so ordinary, every-day
as zipping up your pants or a jacket
well there it is
i can't go any further
there's nothing else to say.

-L