Who are you? My soul rages within me to know your face, your name, your very being. Why have you been withheld from me for so long? Why have I not met you, or at least know that you are mine? I have patience in my Lord to bring me to you, but I need a light. I need a beacon from you to tell me I’m on my way to you. But the night is so dark and cold. The rocks pierce the hull of my heart like spears and are ever plentiful. How will I find my way to you? There are false paths that seem so inviting. But I know that their way is treacherous. Surely, my route is lined with peril at every turn on my way to you.

 

My God, I believe, but help my unbelief. I know she’s out there. But where… who… and when will you reveal her to me? Please my God and my Lord, take this pain from me. This anguish inside of me, only you can quench. Contend for me oh, Lord. My adversary hates me and preys on my weakness. Strengthen my hands for battle that I may fight for her all the days of my life. Raise her up with honor and bless the work of her hands as she tirelessly labors for your kingdom. My Lord, You are worthy. You are mighty in battle, and You are the sovereign Lord of my life. Bring me to her and guide my path. Be my shield and buckler about me, Oh God, as You navigate my way through the waters of uncertainty. Your way is good and Your love is whole. Be glorified in her life as well as mine. Be my life, my love, my joy, my contentment, and then, I will be ready for her. Until then, Blessed Savior, guide me by your merciful hand into fields of serenity surrounded by your grace. Prepare my table and may she sit beside me when you have filled my cup. Help me to serve her as You have served me, with Your life. Allow my shallow attempt at love echo all the more of You.

-Jeff

Have you ever been faced with something that you know that you need to do, but you just didn't want to/didn't have to the time to do it? Take me for example. I need desperately to cut my hair. Have I? Am I before I get home? Of course not. But why? Well, I'm in Maui, where it doesn't really matter what my hair looks like. I've got nobody to impress out here. Would it look better shorter than it is in its ballistic, out-of-control state that it presently resides? Sure it would. But I just don't have to time, or the inclination to do so at the present.

 

Sometimes I wonder if that's the case with our spiritual walks. Is it that we are in a place of comfort that says, "It doesn't matter what it looks like?" Or, even, "It doesn't look the best, but it sure does look better than his/hers, therefore, its ok. Don't worry about it." Is the apathy of our culture deafening the outcry of the Cross? Are we in a place when we say, "I'll do it later"? Have we come to the marketplace of ideas trying to pawn off our sacred, absolute truth for some other trinket of far lesser value (if it holds any at all)? I think that a lot of us have. Including myself. Shall we heed the battle cry of the Cross demanding us forward inch by inch into all of the world, making disciples of all men? OR, will we instead sit on our blessed assurance waiting for someone else to charge into the fray? There are absolute truths in this world, and we have the greatest of them all. Jesus loves you, died for you, and wants to take your soul and renew you with His righteousness. And yet we feel that we must incorporate other thoughts and ideas in order to be "Culturally relevant."

 

I say that we stand on the firm foundation of Calvary, realizing that the blood laid down that day on a cursed tree, has given us the right to stand up in love and to proclaim the truths of the Word of God. There is but one name by which all men shall be saved, the name of JESUS CHRIST. And it is by that name that every knee shall bow and every tongue confess that HE is Lord. There is only one way to get to heaven, and that is not of our own doing, but instead by the undeniably single greatest act of love in the history of world. That the creator would reconcile the creation to Himself by sending His Son on the cross to die for our putrid souls, and upon the acknowledgement of His lordship leave His Spirit to dwell inside of us earthen vessels.

 

If we should long to find truth, If we should yearn to have understanding of the things not of this world, If we should desire to make our lives count for something far greater than just a "good life", we must acknowledge the one who created it all and seek His face. That is the truth of the Gospel of Jesus Christ. He has never failed me yet, nor shall he ever. To Him be all praise, honor, and glory forever, Amen.

 

-Jeff

Aloha from the beautiful Valley Isle,

Well, I finally made it into Maui yesterday. What a trip! Let me tell you what happened….. (read it all to get the full story of God’s glory)

So, the night before I was supposed to fly to Maui, I decide to stay up instead of going to bed. I figured that I’d have plenty of time to sleep on the plane. Man, would I regret that one.
We left Glorieta at 4:30am so that Anson and Van Michael could get to the airport in Albuquerque by 6:30. That’s when it all started.

As I’m sure all of you know, the British police were able to catch some idiots tryin to blow up a plane going to New York. Well, I had not been so fortunate to hear about such and occurrence. So I had no clue that I couldn’t carry on anything that was a liquid. So, I got to security and had to throw away all of my toothpaste, cologne, hair spray, shampoo, conditioner, deodorant, shaving cream, and even my guitar polish (I was checking my guitar at the gate). But you know, I just figured that it was a small price to pay to ensure my freedom and personal well being.

So I sat there and waited for my 8:40 flight to Phoenix and just played around on my guitar while I was waiting. I boarded my flight to Phoenix with no problems and arrive there in much the same way.

As I’m waiting for my 10:20 flight, I pull out my guitar again and start to jam. By this time, I’ve been playing all through the night as well as waiting on my flights, so I’ve played about 6 hours collectively all ready.

I get on the plane and fall fast asleep only to be awakened 4 hours later when we were landing. Wait a minute. It should’ve taken 6 hours to get to Maui, not 4. So I take a look out of the window and guess where I’m at… Phoenix!!! WHAT THE FAT?
Apparently, the hydraulic pump in the left wing had gone out over the Pacific Ocean and we had to turn back. We made a no flaps landing and the emergency crews were all waiting on the runway to “help us out” if need be. Isn’t that reassuring…. If we combust into flames, at least there’s a fire truck sitting there already. They tow us to the gate and we are told that they will be sending another flight out at 9pm or that we can stay at a hotel that they’ll put us up at and fly out the next morning.

I figure, “I’ll wait it out.” So what am I supposed to do now? Well, I pull out my guitar one more time. I play for about 3 1/2 hours during my wait, and so that puts me well over 10 hours for the day. MY FINGERS WERE KILLING ME!!!

I get on the plane again, only to find out that after sitting there for an hour and a half waiting for the pilot to show up, that the Auxiliary Power Unit fails after we have taxied down the runway. We have to turn back now and go back to the gate before even taking off. So they put us up in a hotel and I catch the next flight in the morning.

I TOLD YOU ALL OF THAT SO THAT I COULD TELL YOU THIS! Because we were delayed, Gary and I went with his daughter Courtney to the beach on Friday instead of Thursday. Well guess what… We ended up talking to a girl that was 21 years old and homeless about Jesus. And she ended up accepting Christ.

Isn’t it rockin how God would inconvenience an entire plane full of passengers just so that he could position His children in the places that He would want them to do ministry?

Because we were so late, Violette heard the gospel of Jesus Christ and her decision to make him Lord of her life forever changed her destination for eternity. Now, she is going to be able to get hooked up with the church, and it looks as if we are going to be able to help here get into some housing.

To God be the Glory, great things He has done.

-Jeff

i didn't really know what to post, i just felt like posting. u know, everybody loves to read those. i'm sorry to waste your time. i just felt like releasing something, even if it was o so little. like the title says, i'm just rambling. i think that the jet lag has really began to set in today. so i'm gonna head to bed in the next few minutes. unless someone decides to call or something first. then i'll probably stay up. who knows cuz i sure don't. neway, i'm out like a fat kid in dodge ball.

-Jeff

so, i started to put some pics up and decided that i was insanely tired.... so i'll put the rest up later

-Jeff

HEY GUYS!!! What's goin on? Just wanted to let ya'll know that we all got here to Jericho just fine. We had a 10 hour lay over in Hong Kong yesterday, so we went and had a day on the town. It was not even planned and we just picked up and did it. It was pretty cool. We start our sports camp tomorrow (Monday... It's Sunday morning here and Saturday evening where you are). Its gonna be pretty stinkin awesome if I do say so myself. I'll be sure and post alot of pics. Cya then.

-Jeff

So many of you know about my grandfather. Most of you don't, however.

He is dying of Parkinson's Disease, and probably will not make it through the week. I say "probably" because he wasn't supposed to make it through last Saturday. But my grandfather has been a fighter all of his life. I have never known him to ever give in or roll over when faced with a challenge.

Forced to drop out of school during the depression, he had to work just to help support his family. Then he entered the US Army and fought valiantly like so many of the brave men and women of his generation. He was an anti-aircraft gunner on Iwo Jima towards the end of the war. And it was there that he began a letter correspondance with a beautiful young lady named Dorris. That beautiful young lady would later become my grandmother (whom I will be writing a blog about later when this has all passed over). He then worked for GA Power where he was knocked off a telephone pole and had to have his right leg amputated under the knee. He never once let this stop him as he was a champion parapalegic golfer amongst other things.

But his greatest battle has been with Parkinson's. This nasty struggle between will and enevitablity has taught me more through these last two years than any world traveling or text book learning.

Never once has he complained or asked, "Why me Lord?" Instead, he has stood steadfast in the face of this terrible disease and laughed at it with total disregard to its worst blow.

And through these last 6 days, he has fought with death with the courage that has seen him through the entire journey of his life. He has not been able to have anykind of real nutrition in these 6 days, been diagnosed with pnemonia, and has had to deal with a host of visitors coming to see him here at the hospice. And he's still here!

They say its not how many years you have in your life, but how much life you have in your years. My grandfather has had more life in the last 6 days of his life than most people will have in their entire existence on this earth.

I wish that I could do him justice with this blog, but I can not. The flowerly language that would grace my tongue has left like a theif in the night and I am reduced to the simpleness of awe.

The only thing that I can say about the situation is this.... To God be the glory, great things He has done. He has been so faithful to me personally through these last two years that if there was any doubt in my mind of his grace and mercy, there remains none anymore.

All words are escaping me now, so I find myself wanting to resign the rest of this post. So I will leave you with this.

Live like you were ALIVE. Go for it. Kiss the girl. Be crazy. Don't stand outside the fire. And if you get burnt.... chicks did scars.. lol.

I love you guys.

-Jeff 

So, all I want to know, is who said that guys can't cook?

Would you mind if I held you? If I held your head close to my chest to hear my heart beat the song of my devotion?

 

Would you mind if I took your hand? If I took your hand and never let go of the grip connecting your life to mine?

 

Would you mind if I fought for you? If I found my hearts content in protecting your honor?

 

Would you mind if I said "Yes ma'am", pulled out your chair, and opened your door? If I refused to let chivalry die whilst I still had breath to serve you?

 

Would you mind if I sang a song about you? If every note was so off pitch that it would resound in glorious failure?

 

Would you mind if I wrote poems to you? If prose and verse could some how disperse my inner most feelings on cue?

 

Would you mind if it was only me? If it was not some actor, athlete, or rock star?

 

But I guess one question still remains.

 

Would you mind if this was written about you?

-Jeff

I have a misquito bite in my beard..... HOW DOES THAT HAPPEN?

-Jeff

Be Thou my Vision, O Lord of my heart;
Naught be all else to me, save that Thou art
Thou my best Thought, by day or by night,
Waking or sleeping, Thy presence my light.

Be Thou my Wisdom, and Thou my true Word;
I ever with Thee and Thou with me, Lord;
Thou my great Father, I Thy true son;
Thou in me dwelling, and I with Thee one.

Be Thou my battle Shield, Sword for the fight;
Be Thou my Dignity, Thou my Delight;
Thou my soul’s Shelter, Thou my high Tower:
Raise Thou me heavenward, O Power of my power.

Riches I heed not, nor man’s empty praise,
Thou mine Inheritance, now and always:
Thou and Thou only, first in my heart,
High King of heaven, my Treasure Thou art.

High King of heaven, my victory won,
May I reach heaven’s joys, O bright heaven’s Sun!
Heart of my own heart, whatever befall,
Still be my Vision, O Ruler of all.



O God, please be my vision.
-Jeff

So, tonight; Hodge, Justin, Blake, and myself went down to Lahaina to cruise front street. We got some food at Bubba Gump’s (it was a’ight) and ended up taking some totally random pics cause all of the shops were closing down. So after taking our pics, we were pretty much ready to come home. And that’s when the coolest part of the night sank in.

As we were going home, Justin made the obscure comment, “Why don’t we stop and look at this (talking about the ocean)?” So, we did. And that’s when God met us. And holy crap was it amazing.

We sat there on a beach looking up into the sky, gazing at the stars, moon, and palm trees all around us, and God totally, utterly, and completely blew our minds. It was if he was saying, “Hey, check out my beauty that I have displayed for you in my creation.” It was truly breath taking (as much of the ride home was spent in silence pondering the vastness of the love of Christ) And it was on this ride home, as the wind was blowing our Blazer around like a rag doll through the West Maui’s, that I had this astounding epiphany.

AT THIS VERY MOMENT, 2000 YEARS AGO, MY LORD AND SAVIOR JESUS CHRIST WAS IN THE MIDST OF FIGHTING FOR MY SOUL.

At this point 2000 years ago, Christ had suffered the sting of death, submitting himself to the will of his Father, even to dying on the most retched of all torture devices ever thought of in the history of man. And was now fighting Satan for the souls of the lost and dying world that has existed since the beginning of human history even until this day.

It was his undying, never eding, never-changing, steadfast, ever-true Agape love for us that sent him to the cross. And at this very moment, he reached out with his nail pierced hands and took the crown and scepter that Satan planned to use to rule over the earth, and broke their power. It was with his blood stained feet that he walked up to death, and took the keys of the Abyss, thus ending its reign of terror over the lives of the children that he so dearly loved.

And in just a few days, he would rise again, forever sealing the fate of all of those who would believe in him. That we would all know that our salvation was certain because the one who loved us so much to die for us, holds the keys of death, hell, and the grave, and is no longer subject to them. He instead, has the power to give all who call upon his name the right to be called sons and daughters of God.

To Him who was slain, be all glory and honor and power forever and ever, amen.
-Jeff

New pic slide show and profile look on my myspace.... check it out.

www.myspace.com/red1027

-Jeff

Beautiful

I may not know you,
But I know you’re Beautiful.

I may not know where you live,
But I know that you make it Beautiful.

I may not know your past,
But our future will be Beautiful.

I may not know the color of your eyes,
But I know they’re Beautiful.

I may not know your name,
But I will always call you Beautiful.

All this, I may not know
But this I do...

I will thank God to call you my wife,
Because you are Beautiful.

-Jeff

This blog is extremely long.... but please read it and stick with it. I think that you'll get alot out of it.

-Jeff

So, lately I have been struggling with some difficult decisions which must be made in the future (and even near future). What am I going to do when I get home? When should I go home? Should I try and finish school early? Should I wait until May to graduate? What should I do this summer? And a host of other things in my life right now.

But as I was pondering and even agonizing over the thoughts running through my mind, I decided to call my buddy. The funny thing is, is that I didn't call him to vent my concerns and frustrations, but instead to check up on him, and how he was holding up under the weight of life. Its funny how when we look to sincerely go out of our way to edify others, the Lord, in His infinite grace and wisdom, will use the situations in both or our lives to encourage one another.

As I was draining my heart to him about what was going on in my life (totally unforeseen from my end), he did something unexpected. He actually cut me off and asked if he could call me back. Personally, I wasn't upset or mad, but a little taken aback. "I mean, here I am pouring out my heart to you, and you want me to hold on while you call me back in a few minutes? (forgive my language but…) That's kinda ballsy."

Little did I know that it would be the best thing that could have happened to me tonight.

I was sitting up in a tree right outside of the annex which has become my get away spot to escape the world and just be alone. And, I was quickened by the Holy Spirit to go and get my Bible while I was waiting for him to call me back.

To make a long story short, I began reading my Bible and when he called me back, we began to discuss the scriptures. And that's when it hit me………

The Lord nudged me and quietly just told me, "Hey, you wanna know what I want? (What my will is for your life? What I want you to do this summer? When I want you to graduate? Where I want you to go to seminary?) Then get in my word."

Simple as that. Nothing extravagant. Just, "Get in my word." Something that I have heard all of my life, and yet this hit me hard. All because of this one verse. Colossians 1:9 It says, "For this reason, since the day we heard about you, we have not stopped praying for you and asking God to fill you with the knowledge of his will through all spiritual wisdom and understanding."

And it was if God was saying, "If you want my spiritual wisdom and understanding, you gotta go after it. You've gotta fight for it. You must work HARD for it. It is not something that is just given to you at your conversion all at once. You must grow and become a skilled swordsmen. Some may be gifted naturally by me to wield my sword and my truth, but you must still train and train hard in order to be a Master Swordsman."

And at this, I must stop myself and do something unusual as a writer. I must apologize. I must apologize that it has taken this long to get done with my introduction. However, it is not until now that I can actually address the concern brought to me in that moment. It was not until you could walk with me to this place and time, that you could fully understand (I think) what I am about to say.

The American Church is plagued with a sickness and an epidemic that is killing the witness of Jesus Christ among a lost and dying culture.

It is summed up in this statement that I made to my buddy that went something like this, "You know, I've been in God's word lately and all, but I haven't BEEN IN God's word lately."

We have this thought in Church today that if we can only get 15 mins a day of prayer or scripture in, we're doing alright. Wow, we've sacrificed something for our Lord. We've done a great favor to the kingdom of God.

MY GOD, MAY YOU HAVE MERCY ON THE SOUL OF OUR COUNTRY AND CULTURE.

What has happened to the Martin Luthers? What has happened to the Pauls? What has happened to the William Tyndales? The George Whitefields? The Jim Elliots?  

What has happened to these men and women of the faith that did nothing but eat and breathe the Word of God?

These men were completely engulfed in the Word of God. They could not go anywhere without first consulting the holy, inerrant, infallible scriptures of our Holy God Almighty, to who all praise and honor and glory is due forever and ever.

Martin Luther did not come up with the 99 Thesis just sitting around with his butt in the pew at a Sunday morning meeting saying, "O Heavenly Father, please spark in me a desire for your word." Instead, he was diligently involved in the study of his Father's word. He had his nose in the Word of God, challenging what had been taught and weighing it against what the Holy Scriptures said to see if it would measure up to their standards.

Paul and William Tyndale were both imprisoned and beaten for being faithful to our Lord and Savior. And, just as Pastor Smith said last night in his message, both of their final requests were similar in nature. Paul said in 2 Timothy 4:13, "When you come, bring the cloak that I left with Carpus at Troas, and my scrolls, ESPECIALLY THE PARCHMENTS." Likewise, Tyndale, while in jail for printing the bible in English for the peasants of England to read and understand in order that they might have an intimate and real relationship with Christ Jesus, said, "Bring me a new blanket, a wool hat, some patchings for my leggings, a woolen shirt, and my HEBREW BIBLE." (paraphrased)

You see these men, these men of valor and excellence, understood that it wasn't enough to have a mere 15 mins. in the Word of our Most High God. They realized that it was only through a deep study and understanding that they could unlock the mysteries and truths of the scriptures found in Christ Jesus. (read Colossians)

We always say that we want more of Jesus. We want to be more like him. We want to be his disciples in Jerusalem, Judea, Samaria, and all the world. Yet, we are not willing to be like Jesus.

Jesus woke up to go and discuss with his Father while it was yet dark outside. Jesus was up before dawn several times to just pray with the Father. And He and the Father were one and the same! How much more should we as followers of Christ follow his example?

I'm not saying that we must be caught in a legalistic/ritualistic rut of getting up before dawn to pray…. This is not Islam or some other false teaching of a remnant of hope that would try and pass itself off to be the truth of God. This instead is an intimate relationship with the Father as only available through Jesus (John 14:6) and can not be earned through any earthly means (Eph 2:8-9). (I'm sure to make somebody mad with that statement….. don't tell me, take it up with God Almighty)

But instead we must realize that the only way to save America from becoming the next Rome, that which would implode upon itself because of its sin, WE MUST GET IN THE WORD. That is the only way that we will be able to show ourselves as approved workmen not ashamed of Christ or the calling to which we so mercifully share in, is to revert back to a hunger and longing for the deep things of scripture. (2 Timothy 2:15; 2 Timothy 1:8)

In fact, I think that this entire expose on a crazy rant of my own can be summed up in that one verse of 2 Timothy 2:15. It is with this that I will leave you.

"Do your best to present yourself to God as one approved, a workman who does not need to be ashamed and who correctly handles the word of truth."

1. Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 18, and find line 4.
mouth is wide open, her lips mouthing W-o-w! in slow (I am not, but I know I am; Louie Giglio)

2. Stretch your left arm out as far as you can. Where are your fingers?
touching my pillow

3. What is the last thing you watched on TV?
TV... ha, that's funny, I don't think I've watched TV since I've been down here (in all honesty)

4. Without looking, guess what time it is?
1100

5. Now look at the clock. What is the actual time?
1034

6. With the exception of the computer, what can you hear?
Hodge talking on his cell phone... what else is new?

5. Now look at the clock. What is the actual time?
1034

6. With the exception of the computer, what can you hear?
Hodge talking on his cell phone... what else is new?

7. When did you last step outside? What were you doing?
saying goodbye to Gerard and Steve

8. Before you started this survey, what did you look at?
my myspace

9. What are you wearing?
shorts and a cut off shirt 

10. Did you dream last night?
i dunno

11. When did you last laugh?
when i decided to take this retarded survey

12. What is on the walls of the room you are in?
some pics of my familia


13. Seen anything weird lately?
nope.. just Hodge

14. What do you think of this quiz?
yeah... pretty gay

15. What is the last film you saw?
Blue Collar Comedy Tour (DVD)/Underworld: Evolution (theatre.... it wasn't that good: don't go see it)

16. If you became a multi-millionaire overnight, what would you buy?
a house in Kehei or maybe even Lahaina

my myspace

9. What are you wearing?
shorts and a cut off shirt 

10. Did you dream last night?
i dunno

11. When did you last laugh?
when i decided to take this retarded survey

12. What is on the walls of the room you are in?
some pics of my familia


13. Seen anything weird lately?
nope.. just Hodge

14. What do you think of this quiz?
yeah... pretty gay

15. What is the last film you saw?
Blue Collar Comedy Tour (DVD)/Underworld: Evolution (theatre.... it wasn't that good: don't go see it)

16. If you became a multi-millionaire overnight, what would you buy?
a house in Kehei or maybe even Lahaina

17. If you could change one thing about the world, regardless of guilt or politics, what would you do?
the perception that tanness is better..... PASTY PEOPLE OF THE WORLD UNITE!!!

18. Do you like to dance?
heck yeah, i do... gah

19. George Bush:
LOVE HIM!


20. Imagine your first child is a girl, what do you call her?:
Mei (pronounced May)

21. Imagine your first child is a boy, what do you call him?:
Boy

22. Would you ever consider living abroad?
well, this is my second time doing it... so yeah

23. What do you want God to say to you when you reach the pearly gates?
come on in bubba

This just in...

I got my dad to sign up on phusebox so that he could see my pics and read my blogs while I'm in Hawaii....... THAT'S THE COOLEST THING EVER!!! I never thought that I'd ever get my dad on something like this.

Rock On...

-Jeff

NOW LET THE PRAISES RING DOWN FROM ON HIGH........ I'm finally done with all of my papers for this semester. But it was a struggle to the bitter end.

I started my paper (Asian Martial Arts and Their Effect on American Masculinity) last night around 10pm and was still not finished at 3am this morning. I had about 8 pages into it and had absolutely nothing left in me. To me, this is huge.... I don't have problems writing papers... it's just not that big of a deal.....but I just couldn't pull this one together.

I went home and woke up at 8:30 this mornin to finish it (I meant to get up at 7:30). I finished it and rushed over to the BDA to try and print it off.

I get to the BDA and the computer that I pick to pull up my paper on was retarded..... remember that I've got to get it in by 10 and it is now 9:45. I finally get another computer to work and print it off.

I get out like a shot, and loose all my pride in a dead sprint across the parking lot to Todd. I get up to my teacher's office at 9:52............

SHE'S NOT EVEN THERE!!!!!!!

So, I slip it under the door. Then go to move my car out of a white spot (with no ticket mind you) to a green spot and come back here to the BDA to write you this post.

And that's how the end came to the papers from hell in Fall 2005.

-Jeff

Well, its me again.... Mr. Procrastinator himself. That's right, I've done it again. It is now 1am and I just got kicked out of the Library and have moved to my new location in the BAS. I have a 10 pg paper due tomorrow morning (well, I guess its this morning) at 10am (yeah, 9 hrs away). I've got 2 pages written now, but that was just my opening. What can I say, I've got alot of hot air. Well, time to get back to the grind... I'll c ya'll l8r.
-Jeff

LET EVERYONE TAKE NOTICE!!!! I NOW HAVE A DIGITAL CAMERA..... I HAVE A VERY SUSPICIOUS FEELING THAT IT IS VERY PROBABLE THAT PHUSEBOX WILL BE INUNDATED WITH PICS NOT TOO LONG FROM NOW.

-JEFF