A while back I wrote (on facebook) that I hadn’t found good sushi in New York yet, and I guess somewhere in the back on my mind I didn’t want to find good sushi.  You see, I love sushi in Murfreesboro.  I love going to Sakura with my dad and my sister (and sometimes Bethany and Jonathan and Matt) and getting the Las Vegas and Yum Yum Rolls.  I love the good conversation and the familiarity.  Good sushi = home and comfort; bad sushi = not home and discomfort. So I’ve only half-heartedly looked.

The last few weeks - months if I'm really honest- of my life have been a series of uncertainties mixed with a heavy dose of discontentment.  I have realized (again) how terrible I am at committing myself to anything for longer than a year.  It almost killed me just to get through college, and the last 2 years I traveled around most of the southeast just to escape.  And then I moved to China and then I moved back home and taught 8^th grade and then moved here.  One day a friend called me and asked me what exactly I was running from.  I’m sure I made up some excuse or probably attempted to justify my actions, but she was right.  I was running.

I guess, in a way, I’ve always been running.  I’m not sure what from – I’ve got a great family, the world’s best friends, a fantastic home church, etc.  To some girls (especially single 25-year-old girls) settling down is crucial.  And yes, one day soon I’ll probably want that.  But I’ll be the first to admit, the idea of doing the same thing every day for the rest of my life scares me.  And that’s not to say that owning a house and having a career and (yikes!) getting married means the adventures stop – I know this is totally untrue.  I just think I have a fear of monotony. I am a classic escapist.

I’ve known this for a long time, but haven’t really known what to do about it.  I’ve always been one to focus on what’s next, what adventure God’s going to bring me (or send me on) after this one.  While that’s not inherently bad, I forget to enjoy the moment.  I focus on the future so I don't have to think about the present. Some days I get so consumed with my job and my life (that’s surprisingly monotonous – oh, the irony) that I forget where I am.  I forget to look up.  I forget to be grateful that I got exactly what I asked for and I need to enjoy my stay in New York City while it lasts.

This morning I woke up and felt something was different – I was happy to be alive and happy to go to work.  I walked up the stairs from the subway and I just stopped.  Surrounded by metal and tall buildings and hordes of people with their own agendas, I was overjoyed.

“Be here now,” He whispered.

Today at work we ordered sushi for lunch.  And it was incredible.