im going to memphis tomorrow:).

i get to see my favorite lumberjack and leeland.


A thousand times I've failed
Still Your mercy remains And should I stumble again
I'm caught in Your grace
Everlasting
Your light will shine when all else fades
Never ending
Your glory goes beyond all fame

Your will above all else
My purpose remains
The art of losing myself
In bringing You praise
Everlasting
Your light will shine when all else fades
Never ending
Your glory goes beyond all fame

In my heart and my soul
Lord I give You control
Consume me from the inside out
Lord let justice and praise
Become my embrace
To love you from the inside out

Everlasting
Your light will shine when all else fades
Never ending
Your glory goes beyond all fame
And the cry of my heart
Is to bring You praise
From the inside out
Lord my soul cries out

*sigh*

When will Oakland students learn that it's a bad idea to stay logged in to phusebox on school computers?  Especially when you're actually out of town and not at at school to defend yourself when someone like myself happens upon the computer you have left yourself logged in on.

So consider this a public service announcement:

If you stay logged in on a school computer, I will find you.  And I will write stuff in your blog.  MWAHAHA!

So Kelsey, if you read this... I love you!  Don't hate me forever.

Obnoxiously yours,
Sarah V.

I play on the black keys
where i dont have to worry much
its already hard enough
to sing a song about this
some people try the white keys
but the thinkin' hurts my head
so i move back here instead
it comes easier

you know why
you're the one whos on the greivin' end
and just wave goodbye
and wonder if you'll ever breathe again
thats why

i play on the black keys
when it already takes my best
to pretend that this big mess
isn't happenin'
i play on the black keys
so i can close my eyes
try to picture you beside me
singin harmonies
and you know why
one day i will try and explain it all
and if you dont mind
id like some time to try and play it all

if i ever thought it would come to this
the needin' and the bleedin'
then i woulda tried to say it better better
if i ever thought i cherished you
and i mean it yeah i mean it
now i still think youre here
you're pullin in you're pullin in
but you wouldn't know why
because you're the one the one whos on the leavin' end
then you wave goodbye
when you saw me cry would you believe me then

thats why...i...i...i...
and i...i...i...
yeah...i...i...i...

i play on the black keys...yeah

i feel like writing tonight..
"look after you" by the fray is playing just about as loud as i can get it..
i put a frozen pizza in the oven.
and its just me.
just me tonight.
ive been thinking a lot today. about a million things

i got a letter from chicago - im accepted and in the running for the merit scholarship(full ride)..how insane is that?...im still looking at memphis col. of art...and knoxville

and am i good enough? is there some way that i can make art that really touches people. i dont want to be like every artist that says that their art is a reflection of themselves- finding out who they are.. making some sort of statement. no. i want all i do to move people. i want jesus to flow into every stroke on the canvas. i want to make the kind of art that, just like the powerful pushing and pulling of a violinists notes on his violin, pierce the very soul within... the holy spirit can move in music and if he chooses through a canvas too.. art that is me.. but is a shade of me that is covered in the assurance that my God is great. and that my God is the only source of true joy and beauty. he is what created everything before i even imagined creating something.

i am overwhelmed by the darkness of this world. i feel like there is nothing i can do sometimes..but then, he just takes my hand and tells me that i dont have to worry because hes already taken care of it...

that whatever college i end up in... it will be the one that i was meant for..
its hard to trust but im doing my best...its just alot to think about. my whole life is changing. people i thought i could love have forgotten me, my dad started a new job, high school is over on may the seventh. .. . i guess, i could be honest and say that im scared to death but at the same time im so excited..
i better go check on that pizza..
-kels

its been a loong week.

im headed to memphis on friday for the national portfolio day at memphis college of art.. so thatll be good and informative..and probably good for me to get a taste of what these art colleges are looking for..
love you- kels


lyrics..
youre not sure that you love me
but your not sure enough to let me go
baby it aint fair to just keep me hanging on
say you dont want to hurt me
dont want to see my tears
so why are you still standing here
just watching me drown
its alright yea ill be fine
dont worry about this heart of mine
just take your love and hit the road.
youre not makin up your mind
its killin me .. wasting time
i need so much more than that.

(the song of the day is "yesterday" -Beatles.)

what a morning. Hardees at about 6 in the morning with rachel...then on to the act.

that test was ridiculous.. i dont even know. what to say. . . thats got to be the hardest one of those ive seen..

but anyways...

now im going to make muffins and forget all about it...turn on some bb king, or for this occasion i may need some gangsta rap..
-kels

Thoughts of rain at sunset
Clouds of rainbow blue
Thoughts of sun on sand-dunes
Where the seabirds flew
This was our season, and we said it couldn't end
But my love left with the rain.

Thoughts of leaves in autumn
Falling from the trees
Thoughts of hoaring tree tops
Leading to the sea
This was our season, no lies and no pretend
But my love left with the rain.

Thoughts of springtime rainfall
Touching flowers that bend
Thoughts of wind in willows
Days that never end
This was our season, but sorrow waited round the bend
For my love left with the rain.

Rain's the way you move now
Sun the way you seem
Leaves the way you wonder
Flowers the way you dream
This was our season, and we said it couldn't end
But my love left with the rain - NIck Drake

i love that song.

when you feel like dancing
when youre all alone
when youve got a candle burning
when you feel like youre waiting for something to happen..
when miles davis is putting your mind at ease
and when you just want to go take the first plane to anywhere

well. i havent been on phusebox in a very long time..but i thought getting crowned homecoming queen was a noteworthy subject...heh. it was such a fun night..and ill try and get some pictures on here as soon as i can..

...emily has her night of elegance or whatever at her church sooo ive gotta go curl hair and make her look nice and presentable...love you-kels

Memphis!... me and Cameron are about to hit the road as soon as he gets here! ...have a good weekend! -kels

so im a little stressed.

ive begun to think about (dum,dum,dum) college.

somebody just do this for me?

so, today was a pretty good day. i dont do anything at school!..its pretty great.
but anyways...i had a reeally big surprise today...i was walking through the hallway after first and all these people were like..hey kelsey..i voted for you...and i was like ..huh?...until stephen attacked me in the hall and informed me that im a homecoming nominee.. ive never thought of myself as someone that would get to do that. so im pretty shocked...but pretty happy about it too..even a little excited:-)

me and nemanja are going to starbucks after church around 7:30-8 ...soooo...come!

give me one reason to stay here
and ill turn right back around
give me one reason to stay here
and ill lturn right back around
i dont want to leave you lonely
you gunna make me change
my mind -tracy chapman

love you-kels

well its 8:28 in the morning and im at oakland...sitting in the art computer lab with the hottest guy in the world aka. allen huber..eating ravoli.

i thought that was entry worthy.ha- kels

*edit*

excuse me, but i seem to have offended brian king. allen is not the hottest man in the world. Brian obviously is. and i will forever regret ever have letting allen influence me to say such a thing.

we all are going to miss yah kiddo! -kels

i love him.

he just called me a "stinker". . . agree?

...and told me that i "aint aloud to court nobudy till youre 22" (the age he was when he was married)

he also informed me that there isnt a boy out there that half deserves me...ha.

ooh. grandparents. great stuff. -kels

well here i am in art...ive been working on a collage drawing..and now im starving..i have fist lunch at  11 30 (i think) if anyone feels like coming to see me.

do you ever feel like you are just missing something? something huge? just the feeling that everyone gets it but you?.. ive been feeling like that today ...almost like theres something happening that i cant see or understand but its still happening.

theres the bell..talk to you soon-kels

Can I call you if I'm back in town?
Leave a message when I'm southbound?
Could I please, could I please?
Won't be long till I'll be passing through,
Maybe three days, maybe two.

Could I see you one more time, if its ok if you don't mind?
I'm the shade of a shadow, baby.
Been thinkin' bout you tonight, how sweetly you bring light.
You're the ray of the sun, and I'm the shade of a shadow.

Of all the letters I never sent and all the time we haven't spent,
Could I please, could I please?
You always said I play games I know I'd lose,
you always said that's the life I'd choose.

Oh why do they leave
On the day that you needed them the most
Simple cards and things
Rosecolored sunsets no flowers for me
Simple cards and things
Rosecolored sunsets no flowers for me
Lover why do you leave
On the day I want you for me
Say say it ain't so
That he will take you tomorrow
And I will sit here today
The worst
Simple cards and things
Rosecolored sunsets no flowers for me
Simple cards and things
Rosecolored sunsets Curtains for me
Lover why do you leave
Lover why do you leave
On the day I want you to be
The one

at the garish break of dawn i woke up and drove to oakland.

only to be barked at by some evil voice coming through the intercom telling me that- yes, i must tuck in my shirts..among other things and- student ids willl be worn at all times..

.somebody save me.

then im informed that teacher aiding isnt allowed anymore...im going to fight.
-kels

well im sitting here thinking about a new year...a really easy one at that...

ap english
gov/econ
art 4
teachers aid (art 4)
photography
and..
yearbook

this year is going to be completely dedicated to good grades, and making art.

im kinda excited.

the only hard thing is letting go of many good friends. last year was hard and this one is going to be even harder... im going to miss all of you so much. well kiddos.. im going to go curl up in bed with good ole jane eyre..

love-kels

Tell all the Truth but tell it slant -
Success in Circuit lines
Too bright for our infirm delight
The truth's superb surprise
As lightning to the children eased
With explanation kind
The truth must dazzle gradually
or every man be blind.
-emily d.

If you were coming in the fall,
I'd brush the summer by
With half a smile, and half a spurn,
As housewives do, a fly

If I could see you in a year,
I'd wind the months in balls -
And put them each in separate drawers,
For fear the numbers fuse

If only centuries, delayed,
I'd count them on my hand,
Subtracting, till my fingers dropped
Into Van Dieman's Land,

If certain, when this life was out -
that yours and mine, should be
I'd toss it yonder, think a rind,
And take eternity -

But, now, uncertain of the length
of this, that is between,
It goads me, like the Goblin bee -
That will not state - it's sting
-dickinson

so today i wake up to a call from emily...as usual.. and shes like ..hey!.. lets go to the mall, so i go to her house and we hop in her car...half way there she starts hitting the gas but the car wont speed up ..so we pull over...and start laughing and freaking out.

so we think...hm..maybe if we just restart it itll be fine...
well...when she put it in drive it started rolling backwards..

two police passed us and didnt stop so we got really mad at them, but when a interstate emergency guy showed up a few minutes later we guessed they called him...

he took a look and was like well..girls, looks like the transmission blew.. :-0..not good..

OH but heres the really scary part.

we were sitting there with the windows down, sweatin it up..and i look over and this guy in his car with his windows down is staring at me. so i hit em and was like roll up the windows!..for about 5 seconds we were both freakin out until he held up his badge and asked if we were okay...ha.ha.

so we boiled in the 100 degree sun and her dad came and got us..

it was definitely a crazy day with my best friend on the side of I-40...

to add to all of that..last night me and em were comin home on 96 and got stuck for about 45 minutes while a motorcyclist was lifeflighted to nashville....ive never been that close to a wreck...or seen a helicopter come straight down on the road..it was so crazy..

tomorrow im going with em for senior pictures...not mine..but she needs the support..ha..
im dreading having them made...yuck

love you--kels

i went to a musical last night in woodbury...it was pretty funny stuff...but the whole time i couldnt help but just keep looking off at this old man. . .

wrinkled and gray, hands folded in his lap, smirk on his face. . .his wife was sitting close to him and he looked so happy. he was simply satisfied..

i couldnt help but think about....just...who im going to be next to years and years from now...who i might be helping out of a seat or who will be helping me...and what kind of person i will be when ive lived so much more than i have..what kind of memories will i have made?

love -kels

waiting on a bagel in line today this song played..

When your long day is over
And you can barely drag your feet
When the weight of the world
Is on your shoulders
I know what you need
Bring it on home to me
You know I know you
Like the back of my hand
You know I'm gonna do
All that I can right here
Gonna lie with you
Till you fall asleep
When the morning comes
I'm still gonna be right here

im gunna miss these kids..



if you wanna see more pics go to my facebook ...

-kels

well. it hit me...it finally hit me. ive realized so much about myself in the last few days, not only has governors school inspired me it has taught me and opened me up to so many things that i didnt even know were options...its funny how you think youve got it all figured out, two seconds later everything changes..

im really going to miss everyone here..tomorrow is the last full day.. its so annoying how you finally get the hang of this type of "college" life and you start learning people and really enjoying yourslelf and then its over. im going to miss my little cubical in the painting studio. and coming home to a bunch of crazy sweet girls...im  going to miss laughing at and just watching all the drama kids, the many many nights in the lobby of piano playing and singing from the music kids..and of course the awesome art kids that have inspired me to do so much more.

so saturday ill be finished and hopefully totally moved out by about noon..

lets do something alright? i think a party will work...can you believe school starts back in less than a month..or atleast i think so....?

love-kels


Two hearts fading, like a flower.

And all this waiting, for the power.

For some answer, to this fire.

Sinking slowly. The water's higher.

Desire


With no secrets. No obsession.

This time I'm speeding with no direction.

Without a reason. What is this fire?

Burning slowly. My one and only.

Desire


You know me. You don't mind waiting.

You just can't show me, but God I'm praying,

That you'll find me, and that you'll see me,

That you run and never tire.

Desire-ryan adams

today was really laid back. no teacher...so i left and took a 2 hour nap!..

then later...

we watched the planets - a piano performance... it was really beautiful.. i have this thing for the piano.. there is something so beautiful about watching someone sway with that music in thier soul and watching them pour it out onto the keys..


nooow...im sitting here with a bunch of girls..listening to Usher..hes telling me to let it burn..heh.

-kels

Oh, why do they leave?

Oh, why do they leave?

On the day that you needed them the most

Simple cards and things

Rose-colored sunsets, no flowers for me

Simple cards and things

Rose-colored sunsets, no flowers for me


Lover, why do you leave

Lover, why do you leave

On the day I want you for me?


Say, say it ain't so

That he will take you tomorrow

And I will sit here today (The worst)

Simple cards and things

Rose-colored sunsets, no flowers for me

Simple cards and things

Rose-colored sunsets, Curtains for me


Lover, why do you leave

Lover, why do you leave

On the day I want you to be

The one

fun at the zoo..

i named him joey..

hiding in the bamboo..

i really like bamboo

so the nashville zoo wasnt very impressive but getting off the mtsu campus was great..
now im off to see the tennessee valley winds.. last night was the nashville ballet..

love you,  kels