lets see.... we are on like the 3rd week of classes... and so far its not too bad which is awesome...

i've gone out a little but not that much... i just have a lot of other stuff that i have to deal with and it just hasnt become a priority anymore...

i recently found out that my uncles cancer might be back again which is stressing out my dad...which is never fun...

i think im going home next weekend cause we dont have a home game... and my dad wont be there so that means i have a whole weekend with just me and my mom... and thats always tons of fun... :/

its kinda weird how much things can change in such a sort amount of time... like the person that was my best friend for the past 5 years i dont even talk to anymore... its so weird... how everything can change that fast...over something so dumb... i wish things could be fixed but at this point its not even worth it anymore...

so the one thing i miss more than anything is performing... that wass my life in high school.. its how i let out stress, my emotions of the day and everything else that was going on in my head.... every since its been over i feel like im just not the same person... that something is missing inside of me...

i've been thinking about it more and more recently since my old instructor contacted me asking if i was interested in being in his new guard... i would love that more than anything... but its going to be based out of nashville which is 3 hours away... and i would have to be there every weekend... and i dont even have a car...

i've also been thinking more and more about how my life would be so different if i had decided to go to mtsu instead of ut... i would be in the guard there and i would definitely be in the guard with my instructor matt... i just keep thinking if i would be happier doing that...

dont get me wrong i love ut... but its just so different.. i feel like i have changed so much since i have been here.. not necessarily in a bad way.. its just different then who i was.. and for a long time thats what i wanted... but now im just not sure anymore...

i dunno i wish my dad was going to be home next weekend so i could talk to him about it face to face... but i guess this is just another thing i will have to figure out on my own...

well i think thats about all the thoughts i have for now...

time to go to laundry and take a shower....

" And everytime I try to fly
I fall without my wings
I feel so small"

peace...emily