"Written on the body is a secret code only visible in certain lights;
the accumulations of a lifetime gather there.  In places the palimpsest
is so heavily worked that the letters feel like braille.  I like to
keep my body rolled up away from prying eyes.  Never unfold too much,
tell the whole story..."


tonight i got in a really weird mood...i'm not really sure why.  it was
a reflective mood and i just felt like crying.  maybe it's because of
the start of school and everything changing (which i don't really react
well to...) i dunno.  maybe it's because i'm opening myself up too
much.  i'm so scared.  i hate ben for scarring me.  for leaving me with
thoughts of doubt about anything intimate.  i hate myself for putting
myself into that situation.  and i hate the fact that i can't just be
normal when it comes to these things.  i hope my inhibitions don't ruin
the great things that are happening to me.  why, God, why!?