"Don't  you fucking    know what you are?"   no, i don't.  a little enlightenment would be quite helpful. 

Staring at the sea
Will she come?
Is there hope for me
After all is said and done
Anything at any price
All of this for you
All the spoils of a wasted life
All of this for you
All the world has closed her eyes
Tired faith all worn and thin
For all we could have done
And all that could have been

Ocean pulls me close
And whispers in my ear
The destiny I've chose
All becoming clear
The currents have their say
The time is drawing near
Washes me away
Makes me disappear

I descend from grace
In arms of undertow
I will take my place
In the great below

I can still feel you
Even so far away

 

    'The Great Below'  -  NIN

Am I the only one who still likes Myst?  I still dig it out a few times a year just for old time's sake.  Oh well, I'm sure there is someone out there that has fond memoiries of Myst.

I think now would be a good time for me to start seeing a therapist.

people don't fear their own desires, they fear the hardship and consequences of attaining them.  life is but a fleeting moment, much too short to live in fear.

here are some of my favorite quotes by Friedrich von Schiller ...

"The will of man is his happiness."

"The world is ruled only by consideration of advantages."

"The voice of the majority is no proof of justice."

"Mankind is made great or little by its own will."

"Lose not yourself in a far off time, seize the moment that is thine."

"It is difficult to discriminate the voice of truth from amid the clamor raised by heated partisans."

"It is criminal to steal a purse, daring to steal a fortune, a mark of greatness to steal a crown. The blame diminishes as the guilt increases."

"I am better than my reputation."

"He who considers too much will perform little."

"Every true genius is bound to be naive."

... just to list a few.

I've recently that the human race is going to die out quiker than I had anticipated, merely because of stupidity.  This was the conclusion of a rather spur of the moment thought involving the point in life.  Most folks agree that the point in life is to reproduce and ensure the advancement of the species.  This would be where everyone finds the desire to have sex.  Makes sense, right?  Well, then comes the whole idea of having the pleasure of sex without those nasty little yard apes running around pestering you for money: birth control.  now I am by no means saying that birth control is a bad concept, because it's not.  But when the majority of the newborn population is being concieved in the backseats of broken down cars by people too stupid to use a condom, them we have a major problem.  If the intelligent advancement-of-the-species type people aren't having kids because they enjoy sex without responsibilities and the birth-rate continues to increase, then we will eventually die out.  I think it is quite deserved.

"Against stupidity, the very gods themselves contend in vain." ~ Friedrich von Schiller

am i crazy because i want to touch your skin?
is it ludicrous that i've got nothing to believe in that
was built by human hands or controlled by demand?
so if love is true, let's burn the factory,
take off your shoes it's time for dancin'

i never leave the house without a pocket of pills,
operator, operator i've got no solitude
from the digging hands (no way)
i think i'm losing it and i can't keep up
operator, operator it's nothing personal
but i'm choking tears, I'm thinking bout giving in
it's no better than before, it's just never mentioned

we keep running this race that can't be won,
i keep coming up empty
doctor doctor you know they try to sell my trust
and they call me crazy
box to box you know it never stops,
we're playing boomerang highways
in an endless search for meaning
i pray for something real
one kiss for all the world, a taste for all that's precious

take it away release all your tension

all their paper never feels like my lovers kiss
or the warmth of her touch while we dream
so if I'm insane so be it, i'll trade in everything
one kiss for all the world, one more for all that's precious

are we going nowhere?
we need disaster to love until we're blinded
indeed we are caught, what if we get free?

take it away and it's all your strife
take it away release all your tension

'...and the battle begun' by Rx Bandits

i've never understood how someone can mix up the gas and brake pedals or hit a house...  *deep in thought*  ... still don't.

well, it certainly has been quite a long while since i've used this, so i feel kinda obligated to update.  sorry there's not much for me to say, just a couple of babbling sentences and the lyrics for another song that i like.  well, i guess that's all for now, maybe i'll update again in another couple of months. (joking... i think.)

The last time I saw you, you turned away
I couldn't see you with the sun shining in my eyes
I said "Hello" but you kept on walking
I'm going deaf from the sound of the freeway

The last time I saw you, you turned away
I couldn't hear with your voice ringing in my ears
Do you remember where we used to sleep at night?
I couldn't feel you, you're always so far away

The first time I saw you, you turned away
I couldn't see you with the smoke getting in my eyes
I said "Hello" but you kept on walking
I'm going deaf from the sound of the DJ

The first time I saw you, you turned away
I couldn't hear with the noise ringing in my ears
Do you remember where we used to sleep at night?
I couldn't feel you, you're always so far away

I don't, don't wanna take you home
Please don't, don't make me sleep alone
If I could, I'd only want to make you smile
If you were to stay with me a while

The next time I see you, you'll turn away
I'll say "Hello" but you'll keep on walking
The next time you see me, I'll turn away
Do you remember where we used to sleep at night?
I couldn't feel you, you're always so far away

I don't, don't wanna take you home
Please don't, don't make me sleep alone
If I could, I'd only want to make you smile
If you were to stay with me a while

I don't, don't wanna take you home
Please don't, don't make me sleep alone
If I could, I'd only want to make you smile
If you were to stay with me a while

 

‘make you smile’ by +44

giving in to the comforts of an empty room
i'm so afraid of losing all the faith i have in you
starlight will guide us home under the dark sky
so wait for me 
i confess as soon as we met 
i gave you my best one hundred percent of me
i confess as soon as we met 
i gave you my best one hundred percent of me
smoke is rising faster and we'll fall behind
wait this out with me
slowly crawling back to what we left behind
waiting now we're wasted
i confess as soon as we met 
i gave you my best one hundred percent of me
i confess as soon as we met 
i gave you my best one hundred percent of me
and in my head i feel undressed
I'm hanging by a thread

locked down shut out and your smile's
just throwing fuel on the fire

i confess as soon as we met 
i gave you my best one hundred percent of me

'one hundred percent' by the forecast

Just out of curiosity, how many people think i'm crazy?  Now don't everyone pipe in at once, but think about it a second...  And if it's not too much trouble, please let me know why you think i'm crazy or not.  Oh, and it doesn't matter if you actually know who I am or not, although most people do by now.  Also, if you don't feel comfortable forming an opinion of my mental health, simply let me know.  I also want to know hiw many people actually read the crap I put on here, so it takes care of two things at once.  Now that I have successfuly rambled, feel free to leave me a comment or send me a message... or not.

Okay, when the people that choose music to play on the radio find a good song that other people actually like, they play it way too much.  This is why I don’t listen to the radio anymore.  But I do hear a little bit while switching CDs, and almost every time I do hear it, there is the same song playing.  Now, I know that this song is being overplayed, but since I am not the one having to listen to it over and over, I rather enjoy having a good song play while I search for another CD.  In case anyone reading this is wondering what drove me to write about such random crap, the answer is… well there is no answer.  I’m just that bored.  Anyhow, here are my lyrics for the day:

 

If I had to
I would put myself right beside you
So let me ask
Would you like that?
Would you like that?

And I don't mind
If you say this love is the last time
So now I'll ask
Do you like that?
Do you like that?

No

Something's getting in the way
Something's just about to break
I will try to find my place in the diary of Jane
So tell me how it should be

Try to find out what makes you tick
As I lie down
Sore and sick
Do you like that?
Do you like that?

There's a fine line between love and hate
And I don't mind
Just let me say that I like that
I like that

Something's getting in the way
Something's just about to break
I will try to find my place in the diary of Jane
As I burn another page
As I look the other way
I still try to find my place in the diary of Jane
So tell me how it should be

Desperate, I will crawl
Waiting for so long
No love, there is no love
Die for anyone
What have I become

Something's getting in the way
Something's just about to break
I will try to find my place in the diary of Jane
As I burn another page
As I look the other way
I still try to find my place
In the diary of Jane

 

“The Diary of Jane” by Breaking Benjamin

Not much to say today, I have to go get new tags for my car soon, which won’t be fun.  But really, I have nothing to do.  Even if I did have something to do, I only have $10.92, all of which is going towards gas.  I’m really feeling the downside of not having a job, but then again I make a good bum, so it’s all good.  Anyhow, my lyrics for today are:

 

It takes some time
you look at me
you don't like what you see
I don't like who I am
I can change, I can change.

It takes some time
in your factory
if there's a recipe
just tell me what to do
and I'll slowly rearrange

it takes some time
so bare with me
you're always there with me
looking in the mirror
it's much clearer now, I hear ya now
echoes in my ear I can change but do I want to?
nevermind...every time...what you say...when you want it

Find myself inside myself and no one else can find it for me
Find myself all by myself and no one else can find it for me

Find myself inside myself and no one else can find it for me
Find myself all by myself and no one else can find it for me

It takes some time
too much time with you
I don't know what to do
taking time is wasting time
and I'm not wasting away mine
someone is telling me, yelling and selling me to their whole crew
rendezvous (rendezvous)

It takes some time
so don't bother me
you don't like what you see
looking in the mirror
it's much clearer now I hear myself
echoes in my ears, I can change but I don't want to
fine the way I am, I can change but choose not to

It takes some time
but watch is gone
and all my clocks are wrong,
so I don't have the time to change
(I can't change for you)
or anyone
I think i'm enough fun
the way that I am and i'm finding new friends and
I'm not gonna change who I am

Find myself inside myself and no one else can find it for me
Find myself all by myself and no one else can find it for me

 

‘It Takes Some Time’ by Catch 22

Not much for me to say, except: band camp.  If it wasn't for all of the hilariously funny and slightly wierd things that band kids do, I would probably have snapped by now.  Just to clarify, I hate marching.  The oddly funny actions of all these band kids is the only thing that actually makes marching worth it.  Basically, if any band kids read this, please keep doing whatever it is you're doing.

A compelling or constraining influence,
such as a moral force on the mind or world, PRESSURE.
To be undecided or skeptical,
to tend to disbelieve and distrust, to regard as unlikely, that’s DOUBT.
The condition of being insufficient or falling short,
decline in strength or effectiveness, FAILURE.
The instinct to run, to back away, or give up,
to need, want, reach, steal,
the feeling to always want more, and to take more,
the loss of breath at the sight of a car accident,
to drive by, never being able to feel satisfied,
and to reject anyone who tries, and this is my life.

Alright, the song playing in my head when I woke up was rather odd.  I don’t know the lyrics, because it is in Spanish, and I don’t speak Spanish.  I can’t even spell the name, but I do know that it is in two pretty good movies: The Big Lebowski and Man on Fire.  I think it’s like ‘oyo com ova’ or something like that.  Oh well, it’s a pleasant song to have fingers cut off to…

From now on, I am going to try to put the lyrics of whatever song is stuck in my head or I am listening to when I am on here.  I do this because, well, some of you aren't guessing very well, and the songs that get stuck in people's heads offer a great insight into the inner workings of their mind.  But you may not want to look too closely at mine: it's not the most organized, or safe.

I'll take with me every single luxury when I leave you can
Count on me for that and nothing more
(Count on me for that and nothing more)
The view from this side's not what
The view from this side's not what
I thought it'd be, promised something different
We close our eyes and let go of the wheel

It's not the quantity that bothers me
(no it's not the quantity that bothers me)
No it's not the quality that bothers me..

It's the means, twenty-twenty surgery
Well, twenty-twenty surgery for cheap
Dollar signs doll up a picture perfect point of view
Twenty-twenty surgery
Well, twenty-twenty surgery for cheap
Dollar signs doll up a picture perfect point of view

Well all young children listen, 'cause they've got so much to learn
(Turn it in, tune out)
We'll get you home in time to make the rent
(...Should be for free for being me)

It's not the quantity that bothers me
(no it's not the quantity that bothers me)
No it's not the quality that bothers me..

It's the means, twenty-twenty surgery
Well, twenty-twenty surgery for cheap
Dollar signs doll up a picture perfect point of view
Twenty-twenty surgery
Well, twenty-twenty surgery for cheap
Dollar signs doll up a picture perfect point of view

I do, I don't need you like you think
I do, I don't, I don't need you like you think
I do, I don't, I don't need you like you think
I do, you don't you just don't... leave me alone.

It's the means, twenty-twenty surgery
Well, twenty-twenty surgery for cheap
Dollar signs doll up a picture perfect point of view
Twenty-twenty surgery
Well, twenty-twenty surgery for cheap
Dollar signs doll up a picture perfect point of view

You're so sensitive
I am, I am a machine.
You're so sensitive
I am, I am a machine.
You're so sensitive
I am, I am a machine.
You're so sensitive
I am, I am a machine.

                'twenty-twenty surgery' by taking back sunday

"Kezia, my darling, please never forget this world's got the substance of a frozen summer silhouette,"
Said my mother through lips that were cracked with love and toil
before she added, "the warmest of blankets is six feet of soil"
She had a perfume called Pride that smelled a lot more like Shame
When she walked into the room I was sleeping, heard her curse my father's name;
It was our situation, our position, our gender to blame
It was the lonely grey of my father's eyes staring back in the mirror's frame

"Mother, I'm shaking while I write, tonight I'll stay awake and try to breathe away my fright
There's a letter waiting for me that I have yet to read cause I know it's not from you
And you're the only one I need, I'm tired and I'm cold and I want to go to bed
But there's no one here to tuck me in, so the shotgun will instead"

            'she who mars the skin of gods' by protest the hero

Well, to read the lyrics of that last one, it doesn't sound so great, but it really is an incredible song.

Never let monkeys play with firecrackers… it doesn’t end very pretty…

I’ve not got much to say, but this song has been stuck in my head all day.   It’s a good song, but after the 57^th time, it begins to get old.  I hate waking up with songs stuck in my head for no apparent reason!

 

Hate all the blood on my hands
And the sins that bleed from my soul
Take it all away make it
Go away

Stand up for bein' the last one to control
(But) what you can't see is bein' the last one to know

Fade into a dream
Try and save me from myself now
Save me from myself now
Fallen from the world
If I could ever breathe in the
Air maybe then I wouldn't suffocate

Face all the things that were
Real to me long ago to save my
Name I never thought it would
Be such a long way to fall

 

                ‘suffocate’ by sevendust

 

I usually wake up with another song playing in my head, but it’s one of those that I rather enjoy having stuck there.  However, I completely understand why this one gets stuck frequently, seeing as it is one of my favorite songs.

 

Breathing deeply, walking backwards,
finding strength to call and ask her
Rollercoaster favorite ride,
let me kiss you one last time

Leave me standing here, act like I'm not around
The coast will probably never clear, can I please go home now
I had that dream about you again
Where I wait outside until you let me in,
and there I stay

Lay beside me and listen at the wall,
we'll keep on lying until the summer comes
I had that dream about you again,
where you drive my car right off the fucking cliff

And now I`m breathing deeply, walking backwards,
finding strength to call and ask her,
Rollercoaster favorite ride,
let me kiss you one last time

Make me promise that I will never tell,
all I remember's the way her bedroom smelled
I had that dream about you again,
where I wait outside until you let me in

And now I'm breathing deeply, walking backwards,
finding strength to call and ask her
Rollercoaster favorite ride,
let me kiss you one last time good night

Good night

 

                ‘roller coaster’ by blink 182