still in love with someone i can't have

:-(

so this years JROTC freshmen, atleast the ones at minicamp, friggin rock
they were all pretty cool & eager to learn
graduation went well
except for the fact i had to speak in front of eevveerrrryyoone
and i had to command the demonstartion colorguard
cuz thompson got in a wreck [she's okay :) ]
and parkhurst didn't show [travis was told this but i wasn't?]
but yeah it went well
i didn't like who trent selected as honor cadet, but that's my opinion

other news, life really sucks
i've been hanging with my rotc kids alot lately
but im hurting really bad inside
[so emo, i know]
but sean hates me again
and i miss him alot
so i'm basically SOL for now
if only what people said were true.....

i smell pastries lingering lightly, sweetly over my mouth

[subliminal messaging]

this week has been quite hectic

my mom is sick cuz of her diabetes
and her birthday is this weekend
me & sean got on good terms
then had a huge blowup
then made it all better
me & david had our first fight
which was reeeeaallllyyyyy....ehhhhh
but yeah mini-camp is next week
and school is soon

shopping here i come

blah!

And no one believes me

so my dad thinks i have tonsilitis
my throat hurts rrreealllll bad
and it hurts to swallow/talk/yawn/etc
but the doctor my mom was going to take me to,
well he decided to be out of town this week
i was like; well damn

but yah other than that i'm okay
me and sean are okay
the job thing is at a stand still
i'm tired
but i think i might stay up and nap later
i'm sleeping on the couch lately
i'm too lazy to walk upstairs
and the couch is comfy
except for the fact that when my dad comes home from work
[at nine AM]
he makes alot of racket
and keeps feeling my forehead to see if i have a fever

but yyyyyahhhhhhh
i guess i'll go now
yeah

nevermind

:-)

so, sean broke up with me
he said he felt 'too tied down' to the relationship

i'm a wreck

and i don't think i'll get that job

i need someone

so i might be getting a job at pizza hut
most likely washing dishes for minimum wage
but right now i really don't care

i've been at morgan's the past two days
we've been hanging out and getting my mind off things
[not to mention the 2AM salad and popcorn}

but yeah me and sean are going through some tough stuff
and i really don't know what to do
let's hope love doesn't dissolve

yeaahhh

i still need a job

gaahh

i need a job

that's it

i'm having a good mood/happy spell

i wanna bake cookies

i love this picture <3

you know...

sometimes i really wish my boyfriend could understand my emotions
and how his temper breaks my heart

i'm not suppose to talk to him until monday,
all because of a fight last night and me 'annoying' him

so there's go my weekend down the drain

i really wish i hadn't lost all my friends

i wanna have a simpsons marathon
haha that was random
but i love that show

why am i so damn unloveable?
why can't i find a guy who will treat me right?

i have realized i'm a really hazardous driver
i think i may have ADD or something
argh

mmm i'm at a sleepover
hyped up on sugar also

hehehehe <33

i love you

and i miss you

we got the gold star

kick ass

you know i think i need a

change

Stop me before I make a huge mistake.

Gah.

some birthday
:-(

I'mma be

16

tomorrow!!

yay <33

i don't know really what to say
things are hell right now
might have to go back to east tennessee for a bit
my great grandmother isn't doing well at all
i hate death
i'm almost 16 and i've been to more funerals than most people i know
what 16 year old has been to atleast 6 funerals?
gah death leaves such a void in life
i broke down at lunch today thinking about my papaw
he died like four or five years ago
just thinking about his funeral made me cry
i guess that's just one of the things i have to keep bottled inside,
it just hurts so much sometimes

'listen up,
and try to understand
i wish i could explain
but the words are lost at hand'

yeah i don't know
here is my update for those waiting for it.
i think im sick
i'm shaking, i have a headache and i'm tired
so i guess imma go curl up and go to sleep

oh man

this happy thing makes me smile

<33

yeah single life is still kinda odd
amber is here and we're goofing off
'AHH THEY'RE COOKING LAMBCHOP!'
and i spilled lemonade on my pants
it was really cold
yah she's cheered me up a lot
we watched a cheesy chick flick
and it ended all wrong
damn them!
i've tried to talk to sean,
ended in tears and fighting
blah blah blah
damn him
but anyways
my five slices of pizza are coming back to haunt me
i think i'mma throw up
hahahaa
yeah so i'm expecting a call in exactly 20 minutes and ten seconds
AAAHHHH

<3