I want to appologize to all that may read this. A lot has happened the past couple of weeks and I need to talk / vent / whatever you want to call it. If you don't read the rest of this I ask one thing, please pray for me and the other person this concerns. Thank you.

God, I want to ask your forgivness in all my wrong-doing's. I know they are many, please show them to me so that I may work my hardest to fix them and make them right. Please protect me and my family, keep us safe, and continue to hold us in your hand. Help us to see you in each other and what we do.

Dad, I am torn. I asked you to break me and show me your will. I gave my life, my whole life to you. I know I tend to take it back and try to do it my way, but I am tired. So tired Dad. My soul is crying out, please hear me. Show me your will dear God, let me know what is right.

My heart is aching dear Lord. I don't know what to do! I keep thinking that surely you wouldn't have put this in my heart just to take it away. I have never felt so strongly before, surely this is your will and not just mine. You know my heart dear God, and what I long for. Let me know what you want of me and I will do it. Here am I, send me. Whatever you ask, I will do. There is so much in my mind, I can't even think straight. Why me? Why him? What do you want of us? Please let us know!!

Dear Lord, we talk about you, that is new for me. I haven't been able to do that before. I am not scared, but as I say that fear come into my heart. Why do I not trust, why am I so scared to show my feelings? Make the devil go away, make him stop doing that to me. He doesn't want me to be happy, but you do..don't you? You want what's best, for us both...even if it's not each other. You are an awesome/powerful God that controls the wildest storms, even of the heart, yet you speak to me in the quietest whisper. You give me peace where there is none. You comfort me in my sadness and turmoil. You give me strength and lift me up when I can no longer hold up my head.

Mend my heart dear Lord, show us your will. Keep your promise to us, though we may not know what it is yet. Love us and show us to love, unconditionally. Give us peace and the right words to say. Hug us dear Lord, tightly. Let us know you are there. Center us around you and speak to us, even if it is as soft as a whisper. Help us keep you first.

Help him to know how much I care, and that even in this short amount of time he has won my heart. Help us not to be scared / frightened / or afraid. Help us to trust and have faith. We are impatient people dear Lord, and for some unknown reason to us you have chosen us to be apart for a time. Help us to understand, give us courage and strength. This is so hard, for both of us. Harder than most people understand, but you know don't you dad? You have always known. This is all part of your plan for us isn't it? This is what you brought us here for? Why we were created? To honor and glorify you? To bring us closer to you? To help us grow in you and learn to trust? To show our faith? You work in mysterious and great ways and I am so sorry it took so long for me to understand. I still don't understand the whole thing, but thank you for showing me a small portion. Why did I ever doubt? I am a foolish/fragile human being with a weak mind and spirit. Please repair me, mend my breaking heart, be with us on our journey and let us see you in each others heart's. Give us comfort and peace and keep us in your will. Give us the strength to stay strong and the love to wait.

I love you with all my aching heart, mind, body, soul. Don't ever let me go!! Hold me tight!! Open my eye's so that I may see, my ear's so that I may hear, and my heart so that I may love, feel, and understand. Thank you for your patience with such an unworthy child. Now I truely know what love is and how strong it flows.

your loving yet unworthy daughter,

~ashley



"Distances" (by me)

I really need to talk to you,

to see your smiling face.

Hear the words flow from your heart,

be caught in you embrace.



Though distances are hard to bear,

and sometimes I'm confused.

I know deep down you really care,

and I don't feel misused.



The truth is this (though not complete),

that all is in God's hands.

For if we overcome this feat,

We'll join across the lands.



Keep God first and all is well,

the love we share will grow.

Cause if you don't it will be Hell,

and God will always know.

(8/31/05)--2:00am