I just wrote a freaking novel on here!  I lost it all!  I am going to bed now!  I am so mad. 

blah blah blah

I  read an article in Child magazine last week about a mom who has to make sure she reminds herself often to slow down and live life.  I feel like I miss alot.  I am constantly telling Addie to hold on just a minute.  But we aren't guaranteed just one more minute.  I get so preoccupied with making dinner, folding laundry,what I want to buy for my house, what is on TV or checking my email.  By saying "just a minute" or "we will do that tomorrow" I am cheating my family out of precious time that we can't get back. I should cherish those moments like bathing Addison and putting warm pj's on her, or brushing her hair.  You never know when the last time you talk to someone could be the last thing you ever say to them.  I try not to think of the bad things that can happen in life.  But today I am sad because I have been taking the little things for granted.  I am so sad because it took the death of a friend that I just assumed would still be there on Monday to remind me that I am moving way too fast to enjoy my life. 

Well the countdown has officially begun.  My last day at State Farm is March 24th.  We (Adam and I ) have struggled with this decision for a while now.  It was, for the record ,a mutual decision.  We had to think about the many ways our lives will be different when I am not working. In the process of that we realized that the good things about me staying home outweigh the things that might be considered bad.. Also these last few months before Kindergarten can never be replaced.  She will be in school for the next....forever.  Well at least forever until she grows up and moves out.  I just didn't want to have regrets.  I am confident that we are making the best choice for us , but  I do feel a little nervous about the transition back home.  Who knows what will happen during the next few months.  I am excited about the possiblilties. :)

Addison had a dentist appointment this morning.  They gave her the "sleepy juice" in her words, and then she came out crying with gauze in her mouth.  I don't know how she managed to get a cavity seeing as how I am so very conscious of dental hygeine and Adam's mom works for a dentist.  Now she is on a liquid diet and she is asleep on the couch.  I really do feel bad that she is uncomfortable and numb and all of that bad dentist stuff, but it was nice to actually get to take care if her today.  it just makes me realize how much she has grown up and how much she actually does by herself.  I know she is only 4 and she is very dependent on us to take care of her, but today I got to baby her a little.  I liked that:)

http://kevan.org/johari?name=AshleyB

Whatever Johari is.....I have a window.  Check it out :)  Thanks E

I love reality shows...HOWEVER does Ashley Parker Angel think he is Zack Morris?  Seriously....do you guys remember that Zack used to say "time out" and everyone would be still and then he would talk to the camera?  Well that is what this guy is doing except with better special effects.  I really can't stand watching him be all melodramatic.  I don't know maybe I am just in a bad mood and I needed someone to project it upon. So to Ashley Parker Angel....Did you really think this was a great concept for your show when your producer pitched this idea to you?  Think again....you suck!  If you are going to have a reality show.....let us see reality, not your version of how reality should be.  Can you imagine if you could really just put your life on pause like that?  How freaking weird would that be?

I think it is interesting that some decisions in life we make without realizing how important they are.  But then there are the decisions that we make that require true awareness and consideration.  Sometimes I feel like most of my decisions are made without much thought at all.  What does that say about me?  I am feeling very confused about quitting my job.  I am very aware how much this particular choice will affect our family dynamic.  There are so many things that will be different.  I am worrying that Adam will resent me staying home and not making any money.  I am thinking about how our marraige seemed to become amazingly better right after I got a job.  Was it because it took some pressure off of Adam?  What kind of pressure is he really under by taking care of us?  I wonder what it must feel like for him to have people be so dependent on him.  In reality I am not bringing very much extra to our actual income, but it is money that we wouldn't have otherwise. I want to be at home and pregnant more than anything.  But I am not pregnant yet and I am so confused.  Anyway to be continued...I have to work

This is going to be interesting!  I can just picture it now.  Little girls everywhere.  Children of all ages being pulled and carried in all directions by parents hurrying to get their tickets or trying to find their seats.  Kids with runny noses and Dora t-shirts on.  Bouncing around to the tune of D-Dora-D-D Dora.  Hundreds of children who were waaaaayyyyy too excited to take a nap.  Oh yes, it will be fun for all, but I will probably leave there with a headache and a tired child too excited to go to bed.  Despite the fact that the crowd will be maddening and I surely will have to threaten to go right back down to the car, I am going to have a perfectly wonderful day on a Pirate Adventure with Addie Mack! 

Addison is trying to stop sucking her thumb. 

 It is her new years resolution.  She is having a hard time transitioning.  Sucking her thumb is how she has put herself to sleep since she was 3 months old.  Now she is being forced to learn how to do it a whole new way.  To a 4 year old this is a big deal.  I am also struggling a bit because I am the one always reminding her and painting the nasty tasting polish on her thumbs.  She is actually grieving her thumb sucking....it is pitiful!  This may sound silly, but wow it is rocking our world right now. Addie's  bedtime used to be a very predictable structured relaxing time for us.  Now it is stressful and heart wrenching.  My hormones from the medicines aren't helping my moods any so I am having to try very hard not to be mega-bitch.  So far I haven't lost it...but I have had to call my mom a few times.  You know it has to be bad when a mommy has to call her mom.  My mom is such a voice of reason.  What she told me was just common sense, but I wasn't thinking rationally while Addison was crying"mommy" over and over.  When I got off of the phone with her I was able to take care of business without making the situation worse.  Anyway sometimes I just need an outside perspective.    

Why do I do these things?  I watch movies on TV that I already own.  I heat the clothes in the dryer 3 times before I finally fold them.  When I do something that wasn't on my To Do list, I write it on the list and mark it off like it was there all along.  Who am I trying to fool?

I really don't understand how grown people in a professional environment can be so petty and immature.  Are some people so bored that workplace drama is the only way to spice up their lives? I have heard that it is like this anywhere you work. They don't pay me enough.  You know that's right!  I just keep my mouth shut.  Imagine that! 

It is snowing at my house!  It is not very much but it is still fun.  Also hooray for American Idol being back on! (Yeah I said hooray)

I made halibut last night.  I don't suppose it is a coincidence that it is called HaliBUT and it tastes like a BUTT.  I really like fish....but this particular fish can permanantly remove itself from my menu rotation. 

When did naps become something only required of small children?  I think we should all get a naptime everday.  I am  going to start a guilt-free nap revolution!  I should be elected naptime commissioner.  I won't let you down as the chancellor of naptown.  Naps for everyone! Naps for everyone!

My family all talks at one time.  You cannot get a word in edge wise.  What the heck does that mean anyway?  I baked a beautiful pound cake today.  Adam did the dishes.  Wow and it's not even my birthday!  He also made the house smell really bad.  When I got home he had two scented candles burning to try and cover up the smell of the oven.  He turned it on the cleaning function.  It smelled like nothing I had ever smelled before mixed with granny smith apple candle and sugar cookie candle. 

Target is the greatest store ever!  I firmly believe that Murfreesboro needs a SuperTarget.  I would never go into Kroger again if that were to happen.  I also think that I have the cutest husband in the world.  He brought me flowers from the wedding he played at today.  They are white gladiolas.  They are freaking beautiful.  We had some at our wedding.  Well anyway the funny part is, I have no idea what to do with them.  They are gigantic and I don't have a vase big enough.  Oh well

What does it mean to be a victim of circumstance? I am  just going to ponder that for a while.  Ok now I am going to get to work.