Hey Hey Hey. Its been a while. Life has been nothing but ups and downs, and i can never see dead ahead. Times flys then slows to a crawl. I stand then i get pushed to the ground. I reach out for help and get slapped with more problems from all sides. I open my eyes in hope to see something but get blinded by the light that needs me no where.

I know i usually whine on phusebox then say how amaZing life is on MySpace, but i guess i try to be all hype and happy for most people but on here i could care less what you think of me. Seth tells me all the time to be who you are, it doesn't matter what people say. But words always hurt, no matter if they are in love or not.

Ha i'm just gona lay it out there for you and i know most of you wont even read this. No one gets on here anymore, and no cares anymore so what does it matter right.

Life...oh life in itself sucks beyond words. I know i've been through little compared to..say Tyler. He moved away from all he knew and all he wanted. But look at him now, he is a whole new person (not saying it was for the better) he likes where he is and wants to wake up in the morning, he thinks nothing he does is wrong and finds joy. I know my life is way easy and that i should suck it up and move on. But after sucking it up year after year and having to keep pushing through and helping others...really gets to you and brings you down after a while.

Like for once i found real joy again since the whole thing with Tyler. I was super happy and people could tell, my smile wasn't just a face i was wearing, i felt happy! i missed that and i was getting back into the happniess and joy and loved every minute of it. But all that came crashing down in one night, in a matter of minutes. My smile fall like a ton of breaks and i could feel the heavy sadness and hurt fall over me. I reached for help by was turned down with a smile. Why does this always seem to happen???? Why is it that everyone gets their lives right and happy while mine falls and crashes to dust that everyone seems to walk all over. And when my life is hype and happy everyone else is crashing and me being me trys to help and that just brings me crashing down with them. This sucks!!!

I guess all i can do is keep my head up, look forward, stand tall, and keep moving. I'm not gona give up after all i've been through, theres got to be more then this. Theres got to be! I'm gona fight this, i'm gona win this!