Sunday, June 12, 2005

I thought maybe it would be due time for a new entry. I truly do hate updating this thing. My posts on xanga are not far from ending completely, so enjoy these last posts. By the way, this post may not make a lot of sense if you didnt read my last post.. (special note, I enjoy phusebox so much more ;) )

Well anywho, it's been a week and like.. 4 days since the surgery. Things have become immensely easier to deal with, but its still a pain in the ass. I'm starving.. literally I'm thinking more about food than I am sex lately. I could easily masturbate successfully to the smell of a pizza. It's rough shit living on Slimfast and soup.. I miss chewing. Another thing I really miss - Talking. Yeah that's a underappreciated skill. I'm getting better with articulating my way through things without talking (gestures and such) but it just doesn't cut it. Besides those two things, I'm pretty much ok with this. It doesn't hurt or anything.. although I do really badly want to stretch my cheek muscles... and yawning hurts like a bitch, let me tell you.

I'm back to work now. In case no one knows, I got a job at Carmike Cinemas like.. a month ago. I never mentioned it on here, too lazy. It's a pain working with the jaws wired shut. I can barely communicate with anyone there, plus I'm still extremely tired.. probably because I barely have any calorie intake. Everything is exhausting to me. But alas, I'm dragging my way through, and at least it passes the time. Everyone picks on me though! Gosh! lol everytime a supervisor or manager got a chance, they asked me questions or told me to get on post.. gah.. bastards. I don't mind it honestly though .. hey, there is a blessing - I can't work post! This rocks because post is the equal to Satan's asshole... anywho.

I want to send a shout out to all my family and friends who are helping me get through this. I'm not going to name everyone, it would become a huuuuuuuge list.. but I wanted to send a shout out to Kelly who came by my house when I was still all swollen and weird looking, and gave me flowers. It meant the world to me. And Kim, thanks for the call even though I couldn't even say hello! It meant a lot ! everyone is being so understanding and loving and accepting.. I really appreciate it, I don't think I'd be able to get through this if you guys weren't so great.

I've lost some weight due to the.. not being able to eat diet, so.. I've decided just to push it all the way. Working out now. Dunno, may do something with my hair (I shant cut it bitches).. Its going to be fun coming in school in the fall with the surgery done and a more.. toned body.. more for me than anything else. Although nothing can really fix the damage that I suppose God made (or my mothers vagina, I don't know) when I was born, I still want to at least try and look my best.

I have been wasting my spare time over this summer. I've been bored and enjoying it, unlike most of you people. I read so many xangas and hear so many people saying how boring summer is, and how much it sucks. I love it. All through school last year I YEARNED to be bored instead of so stressed out.. well now I'm bored and enjoying every last drip of it. I will even more so after I get this shit taken out and I can EAT. I'm going to start writing again.. some poem I wrote was nominated for something or other on poetry.com, and supposedly I can win $20,000, but it says I'd have to go to DC and recite it.. and obviously thats impossible, and besides, I wouldn't win even if I could... but I do want to write some more.. I want to start my novel i've always dreamed of.. "Honk If You Love Jesus!" Yes that's right.. and yes, there is good reason behind the silly title. Its a very serious book though, make no doubt. It's about the second coming of Jesus.. yes he comes back to bring the saved home, and the sinners to be left behind and punished in the tribulations! But.. no one listens. People think he's crazy, he even gets locked up. He becomes homeless and such.. and is slowly corrupted by the world into becoming just another corrupt human. The title you ask? Well.. he becomes a used car salesman (a metaphor for corruption), and on the back of his own car is a bumper sticker that says "Honk if you love jesus!", which it describes at the end of the book. At an innerstate, he is honked at.. and he just grins to himself. I think its pretty bad ass.. and its mine bitches!

IDEA COPYRIGHTED by DANIEL AUSTIN on JUNE 12, 2005!

Anyway... I'm rambling. Life is actually pretty good for me right now.. I can complain, but I don't want to. The stress of school is over, and once this surgery is knocked out of the park, I think I'll be pretty damn happy.. although to be fair, I've never been so lonely in my life. But I have friends, and a wired shut jaw, so low expectations on finding anyone who would put up with me for the next 5 weeks. But I guess I should have the same low expectations on that even after the stuff gets off. Its ok though, I wouldn't put up with me either. Still.. I guess it's just way to much to ask for to fall in love. Scratch that, I fall in love way too easily. It's too much to ask for to fall in love, and for things to work out.. that's never happened for me.. ever. Maybe... someday?

Until then, I shall be here.. I'll be here writing my stories and poetry, like the little extroverted introvert that I am.. a hermit if you would. You need not look further than Carmike on the weekends if you wish to find me, and some weekdays. If I'm not there, you can bet I'm here in front of my computer, being bored, and enjoying it.. and being hungry.. dreaming about a combination of cheeseburgers and pizza... I tell you, it could revolutionize the entire food industry... hrmm

By the way, the new song is Hold On Hope by Guided Voices. I hope you like it as much as I do. It's a pretty inspirational song, and I can connect with the lyrics..
Hope really is the last thing that's holding me..
...the *last* thing...

Much love.

-Daniel